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Sunday, September 26, 2010

The Healing Begins ~ Mondays...Part Two

As the physical healing continued on my body the emotional damage was yet to rear its ugly head. Things were progressing both with the renovations we had started on what would be our home and our relationship transitioning from friends to a couple. There was no doubting that Mr. G was a most caring and loving man. But could I possibly be falling in love with someone who represented on many levels a person I would not have considered as a life partner, pre-accident? This question haunted my thoughts. Were my feels genuine or were they gratitude for all he was doing in caring for me.
The next few months would answer my questions and indeed my feelings if they had started as gratitude had now evolved to genuine love, caring and seeing a future with this man. But how could this be? I had always seen myself with a career driven corporate type, who wore suits and worked just as hard as he played; someone who appreciated the arts, culture, fine wine, travel etc. Then a friend of many years reminded me God gives us what we need and not want.

Though some pieces of "Me" pre-accident would emerge from time to time, the reality was I was no longer that person. The memories of my dreams and hopes for my life remained intact, but that life no longer existed. The challenge was that I had no clue who I was and desperately missed “Me”.

My support system had dwindled down to ½ dozen people from 20+, partially due to friends who also missed pre-accident “me” and weren’t sure how to be around this “new person” and partially to having moved out to the country (almost 2 hours outside the city). Friends who remained by my side would often comment that I certainly would not have tolerated Mr. G’s family’s, judgmental behavior of either myself, Mr. G or our ability to together manage to stay alive and move forward ~ pre-accident self.

Mr. G’s family served as a constant reminder that I was no longer “Me”. This became extremely evident during August of 2008 while spending a week-end at Mr. G’s farm. {Farm is owned by Mr. G, one of his cousin’s and 3 uncles} During this week-end the uncles’daughters’ and each of their respective husband and children, along with 2 of Mr.G’s sisters and respective family also came up to the farm to enjoy some summer country air.

This would be the first time the cousins would be meeting me and one of the very few Mr. G’s sisters would be in the same space as me. With all these people in one house, and having had so much to say about me without knowing me ~ one would think they would have taken the opportunity to get to know who I was. Well … lets just say it was a very quiet for me as only 2 of the 12 something women actually tried to include me in conversation or spoke to me.

This was  so clear that even one of their husband’s apologized to me for his wife’s behavior ~ when I said what for his response was “ I am not blind, I see what is going on – I’m embarrassed” Mr. G and I were surprised that among these “animals” there appeared to be someone who was human. We informed him we had decided it would be best that we left. His remark to us telling him we were leaving was “no we should leave Mr.G is an owner, we are guests!” That’s right these people were and until their parents pass their respective share of ownership will remain guests at the farm ~ Mr. G is one of 5 owners, yet we left, so as to not cause any problems.

I can assure you had it been pre-accident we would not have been the ones leaving. This event brought to light just how much of me I had lost in the accident … I hated this spineless person I had become, this door mat I was allowing people to use me as.

The next few months of settling into our new lives would test our belief in family, faith and relationship.

What I want to share with others:

It has taken many months and sessions with various Shrekos (psychologists) to understand that it was not my limited ability to speak and stand up for myself, that enable these animals people to act as they did. Though I do need to build my confidence and learn how to express myself in this “new” person.

If you find yourself on the receiving end of someone’s venomous tongue without cause, PAUSE take a moment, and feel sorry for them. Imagine how awful life must be for them, how unhappy they must be that they waste their energy on spreading gossip, lies, and negative thoughts.

Now, if you find that you are in therole of Creative Director spreading gossip about someone based on “what and how you would do things” without even knowing them or the facts or are on the Subscriber end and taking in every word as Gospel truth; look deep in your own life and spend that energy on discovering what is missing within you and find the peace you obviously are missing in your life.

If you find you are judging someone ~ is it really them or are you reflecting what motives you would have in a given situation.

Remember “If you don’t have something good to say,
 say nothing”.

If you are repeating something that is not about you,
BUTcauses pain to someone else

Have you been in a situation when someone was verbally or
emotionally attacking you for no reason? How did you deal with?


  1. Very good...very convicting and also so confirming. What is sad is so many times this kind of hurt has come to me from the Body of Christ. It has also reminded me why we need Christ. Christ said, "forgive them for they know not what they do" and "when you forgive them I will also forgive you."
    I know I need the forgiveness, because I too have been one who hurt others, even if I never intended to.
    Thanks for sharing your journey

  2. I wish I knew the right words to make your life more pleasant. It is said things happen for for the best, but I do believe that it's possible to make the best of things that happen.
    That is what you are trying to do and may you find peace knowing there are some of us out here who care, regardless of what happened to you. You do not need friends like those that were so cruel. The world is full of them. Keep your head high and keep fighting.

  3. i am so sorry for the terrible way they
    treated you. it makes me angry.

    but, having just heard your admonishment
    to not judge, i better be careful!

    Jesus said, "he who is without sin, he may
    throw the first stone."

    you have me on the edge of my chair and i
    so admire your ability to keep these posts
    in line. i can't seem to do that. i resolve
    to establish a pattern and then spurt out
    whatever tips into my head.

  4. People judge others based on what they would do. So they automatically assume things about you because those are the sort of things they would do themselves.

    Someone who isn't a gold digger doesn't automatically assume someone else is ;o)

  5. I agree with SP. I can't believe those people treated you so rudely. And I agree "if you can't say anything nice about someone...".

  6. Thanks for sharing. Maybe by doing so, someone will think twice before they act hateful towards someone else. I'm always amazed how vicious people can be!


  7. Even if just one person read this that is guilty of doing this then you will have spread the word. It is terrible that you were treated this way...what goes around comes around!

    I hope you have a great week!!


  8. You, my darling, was not spineless nor was letting others treating you like a doormat. You acted like the smart and kind person you are..leaving them drowning in their own venomous little pool! People like that don't deserve much thought , they probably think they're superior or much better than others and for this reason they judge without knowing ..they deserve only your pity.
    xx Much love to you xx

  9. i am so inspired by you. as always, thank you for writing. i am so glad to hear you are in therapy. i, too, am in therapy (for other reasons, of course) and have found it to be a very helpful discernment tool for me!

  10. also, i've tagged you in a blog post!

  11. I'm amazed at your strength. It would be so difficult to adjust to a new life in general, let alone having to deal with so called friends who make things even more difficult. You are inspiration love!!! xoxo

  12. Your Monday posts are to be read at the end of my afternoon in the office. When the phone has stopped ringing, and everyone has left. I can really concentrate on not only your story, but what you are teaching us.

    Thank you. I don't know what to say other than...thank you. I can never even begin to truly understand what you have been through. And I know that. Because I am your old self. And yet, I desperately want to learn to have the grace and kindness that you have in your new self.

  13. It sounds like they need to take time and figure out why they would treat people badly.

    Stopping from SITS!

  14. It never ceases to amaze me how mean girls can be at any age. And my own experience with in-laws adds another whole dimension. It sounds like you behaved with grace & dignity and there is nothing spineless about that!
    Warm regards,

    PS I think you are terrific & if you were my sister-in-law I bet we would be BFF!

  15. How I feel for you! I HATE gossiping mean people with a vengance. But you know what, you acted with class and grace, something they do not have, and you will hold your head high...whereas, theirs will come to them, in one way or another. Do not fret over what others think, know yourself in your heart and be strong, despite the changes in your life, love who you are and do not waste another moment of thought on these people.It is not worth it.
    Keep on doing what you are doing!

  16. I live in a family that constantly undermine and bully me. As a result I have suffered depression for a long time.It has taken enormous strength to cope and now set boundaries to stop this behaviour to me.I now live each day hoping that today things might get better if I remain strong. Im just glad I have amazing friends who do not bully me but instead appreciate me and encourage me.


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