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Inspiration for living a luxuriously and balanced life

Monday, August 9, 2010

Rose Coloured Glasss - Picking Up the Pieces Mondays

Over the next couple of months I a whole new Home Care~Team was assembled – consisting of:

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Case Manager; Occupational Therapist; Speech Therapist; Physio Therapist; Chiropractor; Massage Therapy; Osteopath Therapist; Psychologist; In-Home 24/7 Caregiving; Transportation Services; family doctor and the numerous Specialists I had to see at the hospital for ongoing follow up – neurology, fracture clinic, respiratory, ABI clinic etc. It felt like a revolving door had been placed on my front door.

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 I pushed myself with every ounce of energy my body had. The therapists applauded me on my efforts. I tried my best not to show how much I really required help and what little energy I now had. I would try to keep the pain from showing and I didn't want anyone to see how dependent I was on the caregivers or my weaknesses ; I would not eat around friends, family even if I was hungry- because then they would see how I struggled just to bring a spoon to my mouth. I was thankful that my need to use the facilities now seemed to be quite limited (I would later discover it was due to meds and sustained internal injuries) - so visiting people would not see that the caregiver had to assist me. despite all this I kept thinking I would be back to work within weeks and that all would return to “normal”. The reality however, was much darker than my “rose colored glasses" would allow me to see, and partially protected by my acquired brain injury.

As, weeks turned to months – and little progress was happening, panic, frustration (code for depression) started to set in. Friends who had seen me through the worst in the hospital, started to become distant now that I was home. My Case Manager explained to me that - “it was not uncommon for this to happen once people were home. Seeing how different a loved one is within " their own" environment, is difficult for family and friends to witness- so their natural instinct is to retract.She went on to say that in time some would return to be by my side - while others would no longer be part of my life.  

What I want to share with others;

While your loved one is in the hospital people (including familyl) do not see them as they were prior – they accept that the person is suffering. However, when your loved one goes home and is seen in their own natural environment – these same persons expect to see the “old” loved one – this goes for friends and family members. Know that your loved one will do everything to be that “old” person (as they too are in denial of change) – so it becomes very confusing as to whom they are. Frustration, depression, escalation in pain, confusion and the limitations of your loved ones ability – boil to the surface.

What your loved may not be aware is that going home may be a bitter sweet experience. For me - I thought going home meant regaining some of my freedom and return to my life. Of course those looking out for me knew otherwise. They knew I still had a long road to travel, with many loops, turns and the possibility of an additional detour or two, along the way.

Next Monday ~ Stranger in the mirror..


  1. Wow. I think all of these should be published into a book - or a brochure, at least - for caregivers, friends, family. Everyone should read these. Thanks for sharing, and here's hoping you have the best week of your life!

  2. I agree with Denalee above..what you're sharing here is precious. Very often, we're so awkward in front of illness and pain. So thank you for sharing your experience and feelings
    Have a great start of the week, dear...

    ps : re the pasteis de nata...total fiasco ! sniff...

  3. Thanks for sharing your story. I've probably mentioned this before, but I'm dealing with a very similar situation with my mom. She's home now. You have such great words of comfort to share. It's sad to think that one may lose some friends over such a situation, but I guess that'll be the former friend's issue to deal with on judgment day, won't it? :)

  4. What a great post! One many need to read.

    Thanks for your visit. I'm so glad you stopped by because now I've found my way here to your great blog. I hope you'll visit me again...you're always welcome.


  5. i can't get over what you have been

    you would never know from your
    sunny, witty blog. thank you for
    sharing the difficult road back.


  6. Wonderful insight and advice... I can tell you have been through a lot... with tough times comes much wisdom. Thanks so much for sharing. xo

  7. You are such an amazing person and an incredible inspiration. I can't believe what you've been through. Your words of inspiration, both in your blog and your comments, are so very important. I always look forward to hearing from you.
    Thank you for being candid my friend.

  8. Wow, you are such inspiration to all of us dear friend! I agree this should be published!
    So many hugs sent you way right now,


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