Its Neither Pampering nor Fun...

"So since you are not working after your accident, what do you do with all your time?"  is a question I am often asked. My first thought is to wait to answer them after I have been off some Meds for a couple days ... and unleash my ABI (acquired brain injury) in all its unfiltered brilliance, on them with my answer. Then I started to think, how many other people who are in similar situations as I am, being asked this STUPID of STUPID inquiring question. So I thought I would share with you an average week of activities in my life...

 Aquatic Therapy

hmm maybe if RehabGirl was RehabBoy this would be

more fun/easier. Sorry RehabGirl.

Cardio and Physio 

Had to get a Trainer, just so I would have structure and go.

Chiropractor

2X per week

Not fun, but much needed. Interestingly I have a few Chiropractors

work on me over the past four years and all have noted how my lower

back actually does not have much movement and the jamming around my

C2 and most of neck area ( I sustained a fractured C2 in accident).

Therapeutic Massage & Cranial Sacral Therapy

This is not fun, despite everyone around me thinking how great

a weekly massage is. Therapeutic is TORTURE, I really should be

going 2X per week; but it really does hurt in a healing way, but still it hurts.

For me this is the one therapy I look forward to as it addresses my ABI,

with my ability process information and get from my mind out my mouth. This is also

the one therapy I have a love/hate relationship with. I need it, can see the progress I've

made in the past four years (though still not my birth given voice, I at least no longer

sound like Minnie Mouse, I kid you not ~ I did). But it is also one of the sessions that

most reminds me of how much I have lost, in my vocabulary, spelling, grammar etc.

My OT is actually really great, she tries to find was to help me

become more self confident and increase my mobility.

Various Doctor Appointments

From Specialists to Family Physician and all others in between.

If the above Medical therapies were not enough, over the past few weeks,

I choose to add these holistic natural approaches to healing.

Have I mentioned how I miss my old self?

Therapeutic Yoga

2X per week

Reiki & Reflexology

Meditation Class

At Home Meditation

For some people this may not seem like a lot. But let me assure you that for someone facing some of the challenges I face ~ though I need these activities to help with my mobility and emtional well being this is both as draining as it is beneficial.  What I have learned in the past few weeks this is too much for me, and I need to reprioritize, as all these activities have left me drained so that aside from the activities, I've just wanted sleep. Guess I have yet to master "pacing myself" and avoid crashing emotionally and physically.

So, the next time you think some else looks like they are enjoying the "fun pampering" in life, think of what they have gone through to have to NEED these things and remember when you actually NEED something to function day to day ... it no longer "fun or pampering" 

Next time I will share when special treats become everyday basic needs.

Rose Coloured Glasss - Picking Up the Pieces Mondays

Over the next couple of months I a whole new Home Care~Team was assembled – consisting of:

Image Credit

Case Manager; Occupational Therapist; Speech Therapist; Physio Therapist; Chiropractor; Massage Therapy; Osteopath Therapist; Psychologist; In-Home 24/7 Caregiving; Transportation Services; family doctor and the numerous Specialists I had to see at the hospital for ongoing follow up – neurology, fracture clinic, respiratory, ABI clinic etc. It felt like a revolving door had been placed on my front door.

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 I pushed myself with every ounce of energy my body had. The therapists applauded me on my efforts. I tried my best not to show how much I really required help and what little energy I now had. I would try to keep the pain from showing and I didn't want anyone to see how dependent I was on the caregivers or my weaknesses ; I would not eat around friends, family even if I was hungry- because then they would see how I struggled just to bring a spoon to my mouth. I was thankful that my need to use the facilities now seemed to be quite limited (I would later discover it was due to meds and sustained internal injuries) - so visiting people would not see that the caregiver had to assist me. despite all this I kept thinking I would be back to work within weeks and that all would return to “normal”. The reality however, was much darker than my “rose colored glasses" would allow me to see, and partially protected by my acquired brain injury.

As, weeks turned to months – and little progress was happening, panic, frustration (code for depression) started to set in. Friends who had seen me through the worst in the hospital, started to become distant now that I was home. My Case Manager explained to me that - “it was not uncommon for this to happen once people were home. Seeing how different a loved one is within " their own" environment, is difficult for family and friends to witness- so their natural instinct is to retract.She went on to say that in time some would return to be by my side - while others would no longer be part of my life.  

What I want to share with others;

While your loved one is in the hospital people (including familyl) do not see them as they were prior – they accept that the person is suffering. However, when your loved one goes home and is seen in their own natural environment – these same persons expect to see the “old” loved one – this goes for friends and family members. Know that your loved one will do everything to be that “old” person (as they too are in denial of change) – so it becomes very confusing as to whom they are. Frustration, depression, escalation in pain, confusion and the limitations of your loved ones ability – boil to the surface.

What your loved may not be aware is that going home may be a bitter sweet experience. For me - I thought going home meant regaining some of my freedom and return to my life. Of course those looking out for me knew otherwise. They knew I still had a long road to travel, with many loops, turns and the possibility of an additional detour or two, along the way.

Next Monday ~ Stranger in the mirror..

Intensive Care – Step 2 of 4 to going home - Part of Picking Up the Pieces Mondays

I was settled in a private room surround by windows (not to the outside) and trying to get a handle on the “contraption” that enabled me to be heard. Still quite weak, I remained bed bound. The goal that I had to reach here was to have the “contraption” removed – by demonstrating that I could drink water and swallow on my own.

There was an extremely friendly, jolly nurse who became my friend – she would be instrumental in me attaining these goals. She would “supply” me with small pieces of ice-cubes to eat and slowly learn to swallow. By the time the “testing” person came I was able to swallow bits of water with no problem. Then it was getting approval to get me off the feeding tube – there was one nurse who was determined to not have it removed – I guess that meant she would have more work during feeding time – as the possibility of me choking and food going into my air passage was a high risk – due to the trach and hole in my throat. But with the help of my Nurse Friend and a compassionate Doctor, the feeding tube was removed. They started me on broth and slowly I graduated to something mushy they assured me was “food”. Jello became a food group to me.

The “contraption” was removed; the hole in my throat was bandaged. I was informed that it would “close” on its own – no stitches. Now when I attempted to speak there was a wheezing noise that could be heard through the bandages.

Though I was still quite weak, I was determined to get home. I begged and pleaded my case to be moved to the “Ward.” Looking back now I should have just stayed put and regained some strength and not insisted on being moved to the “Ward”. But at the time I was so confused, and did not understand just how seriously I had been injured.

What I want to share with others;

Although your loved one “may appear” to know what is best for them and seem to be doing better – know that mostly they are confused and scared. I don’t have the “magic” words that you can use to help them understand that recovery can’t be rushed – but I wish looking back now that someone had realized that I subconsciously I was trying to rush through recovery – not because I strong and brave – but because I was scared out of mind.

For anyone reading this who is going through anything similar in terms of needing to recover be it in an addiction Rehab Centre, hospital or any form where care is required, don’t rush to get through recovery – each minute of you being there is required to make you stronger so that healing can take place.

image: google search -hunterhospital

Stop The World! I Want To Get On

Some days when things just seem to be spinning out of control [which lately seems like more often] it appears that I’m looking in from somewhere out in the universe. I see the life I had, I can feel it, smell it and taste it; then it’s gone and I’m left floating in the Milky Way wondering what black hole holds the mystery door to a new life.

Will this new life be better? Will it be less than what I had? Will my circle of friends and family be there? How will people see me in this new life? What will drive me, be my passion? Will people always see me as the girl who once was and now the girl that was struck by a car? The variables to these questions play in my head like chess pieces. The right move - success; the wrong move and well you know. I wish the world would just stop long enough for me to get on, at that exact moment that everything changed.

Have you gotten back on the world? If so, how did you do it? If not, what strategies do you find have kept you moving forward?