Today, I sat and pondered about my life pre-accident. It may not have been perfect, but for me it was pretty much as close as one could hope for. I was top of my game in career; I worked hard and sometimes played harder. No matter how chaotic life became, I always embraced a few moments just for me. Be it after a long day at work, listening to some soft music before crawling into bed or on the odd early evening after work soaking in a glorious bubble bath filled tub (candle light and soft music too).
I enjoyed travelling alone or with friends, being at an airport knowing that I would be on a plane going somewhere, took my breath away and filled my adventurous side. Maybe it was left over excitement/energy from my years working with an Aerospace company. Whatever it was it felt amazing. The summer before my detour in life, I had spent a wonderful time on the Islands of Portugal with friends. It was glorious, perhaps if I had known life was about to end as I knew it, in 2 short months, I would have played a little more.
No matter how busy my schedule became, I was never too busy to give back. One of the ways I gave back was as Chair of Fundraising for a local Homeless Youth Shelter. Just over a month prior to my own detour in life, we hosted our first Fundraising Gala for the shelter. With a modest budget and lots of goodwill from some very generous supporters, the event was a success. That evening I would meet someone whom I had no idea how much they would impact my life in the short weeks to come.
I still recall the feeling that came over me, as I read his words in his first email to me. My career was my focus and there could be no distractions – I had managed to create an Ice-Queen heart (yes, it was solid rock ice). Somehow between, emails, phone chats, I felt Global Warming taking hold. How could this be, we had not even managed to coordinate a time to get together – our schedules were conflicting. Finally, the day came and after some misunderstanding about his car – He thought I would be embarrassed/uncomfortable to go in his car. I thought he was showing up in a jalopy. In the end as we walked towards his very stylish sports car, I think he was thinking I was impressed and had not been in such sporty wheels. Little did he know that a similar sporty car and my association with anyone who owned was that they were a Player ~ been there done that, that’s what created the Ice-Queen heart… I was safe … Global Warming retracting at very high speeds. Through brunch I recall both probably wanting to be elsewhere. The “date/social outing” came to an end and afterwards I felt like so much had been left unspoken.
With our busy schedules we still kept in touch and went out a few times. Perhaps, he was a Player who knew how to activate the Global Warming … for he was doing a good job, being just busy enough to create a challenge, but available enough for me to wonder and not walk away. So here the Universe was tempting me, dangling this Adonis in front of me, his only flaw, ok maybe two flaws ~ like me he hid behind his career to avoid getting close to someone and possibly hurt again and thus he tested me by working too much.
I still recall what could have been our last conversation ever; me not being very understanding and him probably realizing I had reached my limit. A day later I would set off for dinner at my friends solo. I would not make it to the dinner and no one would know whether I would come out of a coma until 6 weeks later. When I was finally able to communicate via a spelling board, I would first have my sister make sure that the turkeys were being prepared for the Homeless Youth Shelter... by sending my sister to calling someone she had no idea why she was calling except … Turkey & call (this I don’t have much memory of) and at some point having her call a stranger who she was confused I was “dating” … I didn’t date.
You guessed it Adonis … interestingly he had been trying to get through to someone via my Blackberry number , but when he finally got through … and after being grilled as to who he was … him responding that we had just started a relationship … the person saying they had never heard of him and that I was basically dead, hung up. Finally, when my sister got through and put him on the visitors list, he came immediately. He would visit and sit by side when his schedule permitted and each visit it felt like he was literally breathing life back into me. Willing me to not give up, keep fighting. I recall during one visit, as he leaned in to kiss me bye, hearing a voice say “don’t be afraid, he will always be here for you”. It was those words and his visits that I believe in my heart of hearts, why I did not give up. I strongly feel that had Adonis not been in my heart, I would not have chosen to come back from that glorious place “Home”.
I'm sure you are wondering who Adonis is and is he still in my life ...till next time.
