The Most Important Thing I Learned in 2017: and 17 Other Things

The last six months of 2017 have been the most challenging of my life so far, and if you have been a long time reader of this blog - you would think, like I did, that nothing would top surviving what should have been a fatal pedestrian/car accident; or the death of a soul friend. When my life did a 180-degree turn in July, it numbed everything within me, even breathing seemed impossible. Surprisingly my body managed to carry on the motions of  day-to-day life. For weeks I kept reliving that moment, when my whole world collapsed beneath my feet, not able to process the pain, hurt, betrayal. It felt like a cloak of darkness pushing me down to the deep bowels of mother earth, where I would be buried, discarded and forgotten - like the plans that had been made at the beginning of  the year. 

I always say it is not what happens to us that defines us - It's whether we choose to let it keep us down or use it to spring board us towards the path we are meant to be on. I'll be honest lovelies, it was a lot of hard work to get to that point this go-round but, with the support, patience and caring from long time and new friends, along with lots of journaling, reflecting, self care, and yes copious amounts of bubbly may have been involved, at times. Here are 17 things and the most important thing I learned, which helped get me through to the end of 2017 in one piece. 

17. Love is not always enough.

16. Furbabies are affected by life changes as much as their human(s).

15. Sometimes you will never get the answers or know why; have faith the universe has your back.

14. Your thoughts really do create your reality. Think positive.

13. When you think you can't go on, Meditate, you will discover you can.

12. Your tribe of women friends will appear when you need them most. You know who you are!

11. Letting go is crucial to moving forward.

10. Another's actions are a reflection of  who they are, not you.
   
  9. If your libido goes dormant - don't assume you know why - get your hormones checked!

   8. Every Life Chapter comes with an ending, and not all characters will make it to the next.

   7. Your environment directly affects your productivity and state of mind.

   6. Some friends truly are extended family. 

   5. You become the average of the people you surround yourself with. Choose carefully!

   4. Time is the best healer.

   3. Have no regrets, each experience teaches you something. Learn the lesson.

   2. There is such a thing, as a hurt so great - that you literally can't breath when it hits you. 

   1. The importance of taking a solo break - to re-connect with yourself mind, body and spirit.
         

The most important thing I learned in 2017: It's not whether the glass is full or empty... it's that the glass is refillable! Sometimes, the best thing that happens is when the glass falls over, and it's contents are entirely spilled. Pick it up, rinse it out and REFILL IT with the best things in life.

Heidi Allen - Founder The Positive People Army

I had this AHA moment after listening to Heidi share it in a video, earlier this year. She mentioned it again in the above video. Lovelies this was truly a game changer for me. There will be times in life when no matter how positive, forgiving, understanding or optimistic you are (try to be), the best thing you can do is empty the glass, because it can be refilled - with confidence, self growth, self love, and everything you need to live the life you want to be living! AND with a POSITIVITY great than anything you could have imaged.

Learn more about the Positive People Army HERE and discover more inspirational videos by Heidi HERE.

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Accepting Change - 5 Tips to help you get there

Change is inevitable, whether you realize it or not everything in life involves change. But, change is not always easy to transition through - even when we initiate change, the unknown of how the change will impact us can leave a very unsettling feeling. And when change in our life is not of our choosing, especially when it's unexpected can send us onto a roller coaster of emotions such as: shock, denial, guilt (you could have done, been more), blame (someone else caused this), and eventually you will think with a clarity you didn't think possible, and accept what has happened. Once you accept the change - you will be able to start moving towards creating a new life.

5 Tips to help you Accept Change:

1. FEEL the emotions and carry on: Too often we don't allow our emotions to be felt - we've all read and possibly shared phrases such as "put your big girl pants on" or "suck it up butter cup"or "build a bridge and get over it", you get the idea. By suppressing our emotions we are setting ourselves up to keep holding on to whatever has occurred. 

You will go through a series of emotions (fear, anger, joy, relief, grief,sadness etc.) - there is no "magic" order in which you will experience these emotions or if you experience one, a few or all; the length of time each will last; nor the repeat of these until you accept what has occurred (this is isn't to say even when you have reached the AH HA moment of acceptance that some of these emotions may not creep up from time to time). But having allowed yourself to experience them in the raw - will make it much easier to acknowledge should they creep up again, and not let them take over your life.

2. ASK yourself the question WHY - you are feeling so depleted by the change: is it that you are letting ego get in the way? is that losing a loved one - makes you realize your own immortality? after a break-up is that you are feeling lost, alone, betrayed, unsupported? When we are able to identify why we are feeling a certain way - it helps us to put the situation into perspective, which then enables us to put action steps in place to help us through the healing process.

3. Be THANKFUL for all the amazing people and things you have in your life. Take a look through your gratitude journal if you need a little reminder. Don't have a gratitude journal - perfect time to start one. Start writing down at least 3 things that happened in your day that you are grateful for - could be as basic as food to eat, a roof over your head, conversation with a dear friend or a stranger that smiled. Make a point each evening or morning to add to your gratitude journal.

4. LOOK for the silver lining, sometimes you may have to really look but, I promise you there is always one! Loss of job, could lead to a better career or opportunity to go back to school to study a subject you have always wanted; loss of a loved one, appreciate the family members you still have; the end of a relationship, frees you to explore other parts of you which you may have forgotten about or not realized existed.

5. BREATHE ... whatever the change, know that as long as you are breathing you have an opportunity to create an amazing life. It will be different - but know "The Best Is Yet To Come"!

Take care of you!


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Life Direction Recalculating No Warning ... 5 Tips to Adjust to "This"

When you are driving along, and the GPS begins to say "Recalculating" it's often because you have taken a different path than originally mapped or perhaps an unexpected event(s) occurred ahead - and the GPS is directing you towards a more efficient route to reach your destination. The Universe is like GPS for life ... if we are straying from where we are suppose to be, events will occur that will help steer us back. Unfortunately these events may not always happen in the form of a joyous occasion, most often they are gut wrenching, WTF kinda of events.

Our first reaction, may be to want to stay on the path we know, even if we sense it could be chaos, overwhelming or dangerous to are well being (emotional, mental and/or physical health). A long time ago I recall someone saying to me ... "when something happens to us, it is good to wait at least 48 hours - this way you will be acting on what has happened instead of reacting. After all what happened will not change, but how you see it and respond to it may". I recently found myself practicing this advice, and I have to say my initial response and how I view a recent life changing event has changed drastically from my initial ego and fear driven thoughts. 

I'm not going to sugar coat it lovelies, it is not easy choosing to take action vs reacting, and in all honesty when my heart was pulled out and stomped on like it never in my 50 years had been; not allowing ego and fear to take over was like trying to give a bath to a cat -who hates water!  The days, and weeks that followed became filled with more questions than answers. "This" became one of those moments where I realized nothing would ever be the same. I think actively practicing regular self care and love has given me the wisdom and sound foundation to examine "this" with a clarity that may not have otherwise existed; and I also knew that I was not going to let "this" destroy me. 

  5 Tips to Adjust to "This":

1. Take TIME: When we are feeling betrayed or hurt, it is instinct to reach out to people who care about us - but in the next few hours, days - try to allow yourself time to process what has become your "new reality". While well intended, our friends and loved ones will go into protective mode of us - and we can easily take on their thoughts on the situation. Give yourself time to figure out how YOU really are feeling about the situation.

2. TALK to someone: If you are needing to talk - reach out to a psychologist, or other professional who can remain objective and help you through the initial processing of what has occurred. I am a firm believer that we should all have a psychologist on retainer and on speed dial.

3. Be SELECTIVE: When we are hurting, our need to feel loved, protected and connected can leave us vulnerable to blurting out our personal life to anyone who will listen. Seriously, the sales lady does not need to know your business. Limit your discussion to a handful of friends/loved ones - this is what our besties (see below) are for. 

4. KNOW your besties: While our besties have our back ... in the days following the avalanche of your life - you will have days when you need the bestie, who will snap you into reality - no sugar coating tough love; other days you need the one who will hold your hand and draw on her experiences to help you process; and yet other days the one who just listens without interruption, judgement or I told you so. Of course they will all be ready with bubbly, a cup of tea, chocolate and ice cream - because you have the best BESTIES!!

5. Allow yourself time to GRIEVE: No matter what "this" was whether it was for the best or whether it really doesn't make sense, it's important to grieve the loss of what once was your life. Ensure you take off the rose coloured & bitter glasses, reflect on the good, the bad, the ugly, and the WTFs. But don't linger too long .... accept what has happened and start looking forward.

Bonus Tip: 

FORGIVENESS - what has happened cannot be changed, life will never be the same, you will never be the same, BUT ... when you forgive (be it yourself or another) you release the hold the past has on you ... and when this happens, the magic of new beginnings emerge ... and oh what a beautiful life you have ahead of you!! ( you just may not know it or be able to see it yet).

Lovelies remember, when the life we ordered has been discontinued - look at it as an opportunity to recalculate and set a new course for you and your life.

original image : Google Images

Take care of you,


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48 Hours to De-stress and Refocus on YOU!!

Are you feeling exhausted and overwhelmed from the holiday festivities? Did your self care move to the bottom of your priority list because you were busy taking care of everyone else? It's time to put you back on the top of your priority list and jump start your daily self care READ MORE...

You are the curator of your life so live it luxuriously ,


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De-Stressing Essentials To Re-energize Mentally & Physically

Life can be full of stress on the best of days, mix in the holidays; a life altering unexpected experience; or an overflowing to-do list; and you may find yourself teetering between mental and or physical burn out on a regular basis. Practicing self care on the daily is key to being able to deal with what life throws your way. 

image credit

I'm a huge advocate of adding yourself into your planner. Just like you commit to a meeting for business, with a friend or community event - it is important to schedule a meeting with yourself regularly throughout your week (if not daily). Select activities that will help re-energize you mentally and physically, so that should a situation arise instead of reacting, you are able to calmly think through the situation for a positive out come.

Some de-stressing essentials I sprinkle throughout my weekly planner include:

~ Meditation

~ Yoga

~ Gardening (if season permits)

~ Listening to soothing music

~ Taking a walk

~ Energy Healing (Reiki, Reflexolgy, etc.)

~ Massage

~ A warm bath

~ Nap

Get your own Do Not Disturb - Resilientista door hanger HERE

Schedule "me" time, to ensure no distractions or interruptions. If you live with others let them know that you will be unavailable for the next (fill in the blank) minutes - they will need to find their own lost keys, socks etc. Turn off phones, and other technical gadgets - if you need to share your 'me" time on social media, do it before or after your appointment with yourself. Spending time with yourself in a quiet space enables you to reconnect with your ISTA ~ your inner self.

How do you de-stress from the day?

You are the curator of your life so make it luxurious,


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5 Benefits Of Taking A Vacation When Life is Spinning Out of Control ...

"Stepping out of your everyday life is a gift to your soul. It allows you to reconnect with self, clears the mind and provides the opportunity to dream. " - Celia M.

Are you feeling stressed, overwhelmed, anxious, and is the uncertainty of what next  keeping you up at night? Well, a vacation may be just what you need. We are living in a time when various forms of travel are literally at our finger tips - boat, train, plane and automobile. And with some planning and research you can find a vacation that fits your budget. Hello air miles!!!

Whether you jump on a plane and head to Paris (remember air miles!!!) or another beautiful city somewhere in the world; take a cruise ship around the Caribbean islands or a house-boat trip around  theThousand Islands; a train through the Rockies or to a city close by; or take a cross country road trip via car, what is important is that you take time to recharge away from what is causing you stress.

5 Benefits of Taking a Vacation

1. Brain Break  - when your world is spinning out of control, your brain is constantly working overtime. With all the thoughts ranging through your mind it can be difficult to step outside the situation and give your mind the much needed rest it is craving. When you are disconnected from your regular life the distance can help give you a different perspective on a situation, that you may not have been able to see while you were in the eye of the storm. 
2. Relaxation - without the regular To Do's of everyday life you are able to actually take time to breathe and nurture your body, mind and spirit. Being in a new environment will encourage you to get outside and get moving; try different foods or just plain eat regular healthy meals.Strengthening your self confidence. How about starting and ending your day with a 5-10 minute meditation. You are on vacation so you have time, no excuses!
3. Inspiration - seeing how people live in other parts of the world (and sometimes as close as the next city or province) can broaden your perspective on life. Seeing how others live can be the catalyst to change some of your less than stellar habits or to try different approaches to a situation. You may also learn new skills and discover new interests. 
4. Re-connect with Self - when life feels like its spinning out of control it can be easy to forget who you are. Remind yourself how fabulous you are (because you are!!!) and treat yourself to something special while on vacation (perhaps a massage, Reiki, a make-over, splurge on your dream meal - anything that will make you feel special). Get to know yourself again - make a list of what you like to eat; activities you would like to try; what your hopes and dreams for the future are - really get back in touch with what brings you joy and happiness. 
5. Play and Daydream - play is something that comes natural when we are children and one only has to look at a child in the playground to see the joy and happiness in their face. As adults we become so consumed with work, and all the To Dos that we forget to take time for play. A vacation provides us the freedom from everyday responsibilities and tasks, and whats left but to play? Enjoy your time away from the routine and allow yourself to daydream. You will return energized with a vision of how you want your life to be.

Plane , Train, Automobile or Boat - 
So, tell me ladies how will you be recharging yourself and traveling for your next vacation?

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~ Originally Posted in Resilientista.com ~