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Sunday, July 16, 2017

Relationships & What I've Learned at 50

1) All relationships have an expiry date, and too often we remain in a relationship hoping "the person" will change their spots, despite how many times they let us down. 

2) When a relationship has come to an end no matter how long it may not have been good - you still need to take time to heal, reconnect with yourself and recharge yourself. Jumping into another relationship will only provide a band-aid solution and you may find yourself in the same predicament in the months, years to come.

3) If someone's actions threaten your well being - be it health, financial, emotional or physical well-being;while your heart may want to give them an opportunity to make things better, it's also important to set a time limit for things to be rectified. Let the person know ... and then do not cave! Walk away. If you let them know how something is making you feel and they don't take steps to make you feel secure - then they are being about them self only - and have no interest in comprise (or your feelings).

4) If someone is not happy with your reaction to their original action, that you brought to their attention - and goes on to further break your trust and blames you because of the reaction ! RUN!! as much as your heart may not have caught up with your head. KNOW it takes two to make things work or not - if he takes no responsibility for his part, know he has given you a gift of freedom, even if it's rocking your very essence and being to the core and it hurts like hell!

5) Each relationship teaches us something - if we take the time to reflect and identify the lessons. Knowing the lessons will better equip us to apply them in future relationships, thus breaking the cycle and not having to relearn the lesson.

6) Forgiveness is key to moving forward. Forgive for your own well being - even if you don't tell the other person you forgive them. Try this mantra "I let go, and forgive him" - keep repeating it until it's true. 

7) A man will always tell you who he really is. If he says "you are too good for him", "he is a bad boy" BELIEVE him. This was something a good friend's mother once told us - while I have never forgotten this - I may not always have put her very wise words to practice.

8) Relationships are hard work and I do believe that almost everything can be worked out. But if the person you are with has not worked out his relationship with himself - don't expect things to be smooth sailing.

9) The early days, weeks, months and even years may run smoothly, after all it's shiny new. Even if its built on the ruins of the past relationship. But in time cracks will appear. Until each person has dealt with their pain of a past relationship and has a healthy relationship with them self - they cannot truly have a healthy relationship with another.

10) Even healthy relationships can come to an end. The difference is though some things may not have worked - RESPECT and LOVE has always been present. You both cared enough to recognize you may not work as a couple, and that's OK .... but you are able to maintain a friendship. 

The most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself.” — Carrie Bradshaw

What relationship lessons have you learned? 
Would love for you to add to the above in the comments.
images via: Google images

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  1. Dearest Celia,
    Guess we all get hurt along our journey through life.
    Even as a young child you can learn about this pain, losing a friend because they move away and are out of reach...
    Nowadays that is a different story but often being available 'on line' is not the most solid foundation.
    Sooner or later it might shake up and cause cracks and start crumbling.
    Talking about our life partner, that is even more tricky.
    Being in love is fine and I guess it always is glamorous as long as things are new.
    Working on a relation and keeping the depth of emotions and respect deep at all times, is something else.
    Not all manage to live through that high maintenance era and there IS no way around it.
    If one of the two is not willing to put enough effort in, than it will slowly go downhill and eventually become a lukewarm thing that will be very hard to rekindle.
    Sure, the honeymoon period will not last forever as we can get sick or needy as we age, but if the foundation is a solid and deep one, we overcome that together.
    It is funny as we just got back from a short Lower Mississippi cruise and with 148 passengers, you meet lots of couples.
    Both of us almost immediately pick up the imbalances between several couples; often that being the wife way too dominant or always talking...
    Guess all minor flaws that lived early on in the background, only resurface and become huge.
    That's at least what we observe as 'outsiders' in just a couple of days.
    The reality, what is going on in the real intimacy between a couple is even a lot more magnified than what we observe from a certain distance.
    But as you say, any ruins of a past relationship can cause a bumpy ride and at times it proves a ride to nowhere...
    We cannot live for the other person! Love and Respect cannot bridge everything and has to come from within.
    Willing to mend and patch up a broken soul in order to reach out anew.
    Wishing you a tranquil exit and a good mending period!
    Big hugs,

    1. Your wisdom and insight always inspires me. Thank you for your words. Hugs,C.

    2. You're quite welcome and hugs straight back at you!

  2. Brilliant line, "Until each person has dealt with their pain of a past relationship and has a healthy relationship with them self - they cannot truly have a healthy relationship with another." Long before Leland came into my life, I spend a few years healing, finding myself, forgiving the people in my past who were toxic (and moving on), learning where I made a mistake, accepting that accountability which kept me growing healthy. I was taking care of myself, and was independent, well able to function. Our relationship is very healthy although he did have some final healing to do at the death of his late wife. Like what Mariette said, God had prepared me years before to meet a "wounded spirit" - which Leland was due to his wife's untimely death. God prepared us both to meet one another and God is why, 23 years later, we continue to grow both in love and respect, to keep that "honeymoon" feeling as fresh as possible, continue to respect one another, never disrespecting. We protect our relationship completely and totally by putting one another first in all things (except God). What we have is quite amazing but we also knew going in that God had put us together - thus we honor God by never dishonoring one another.

    1. Honouring the gift God gives us is the most important - as it honours HIM! ... when the gift is taken for granted it is the path to dishonouring. Very well said my friend. <3


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