5 Years Later...what's that a bend in the road?

As the calendar flips over to October and the days start to creep towards the 28th, the years post accident have seen me slip back into a state of numbness that will continue it's roller coaster of emotions through to the next October 28th. A never ending cycle of ups and downs, with small glimmers of hope along the Detour, I've been travelling in my life for the past 4 years.

If you are a new reader of Falling Off A High Heeled Life you can read about my Detour Here.

This year something interesting has been happening ...almost like a feeling of spring cleaning! The month of October 2011 has been filled with anxiety and there continues to be some I just can't get out of bed days. But these come and go without the episodes, as I have named them (the terrifying emotional and mental break downs ~ to the point of not wanting to leave the house let alone continue to live), which keep me prisoner of the never ending cycle.

This year it's like I'm throwing open a window 

and trying to breathe.

Having not experienced this feeling in  previous years around this time (or any other time, for that matter), I turned to a close friend for her thoughts. What she shared was quite interesting, she pointed out that this October 28th, will mark the fifth anniversary of my accident. OK and.???...( I thought), she went on to tell me about a Diane Sawyer interview with some of the family members of victims from September 11th, 2001, she had seen.  

This interview was conducted at the fifth anniversary of September 11th. Diane said it was noticeable that the fifth anniversary had seem to bring change in the progress of the family members, when it came to their grief. They were finally showing signs of looking forward to a new future and it was clear they were entering a new phase.

Could I too be entering a new phase of dealing with my grief at the loss of parts of myself and life? Is there finally a bend in this road I've been on Detour, leading me down a new path? Is the discovery (creating) of the NEW me coming within reach? What ever it may be, I'm looking forward and that my friends is a definite change. 

I would like to take this opportunity to thank each of you who read my posts, and for all your sweet words of encouragement. When friends and family could not reach anything within me, and at times I was lost beyond words; it was the citizens of BlogLand who through their own inspiring posts, and stories made me realize, I needed to write, share my experiences and reach out to others. There is a purpose for me having survived, I just need to keep my mind open to new things.... 

Here's to the next 12 months, Bring it on!!

" Out of Clutter find Simplicity;

From Discord find Harmony;

In the middle of Difficulty lies Opportunity." ~ Albert Einstein

On Friday October 28th, 2011, I will be doing my First Guest Post! Thank you  Jessica, writer of the blog The Entertaining House, for inviting me. I hope you will stop by for a visit, discover Jessica's blog (if you haven't already) which is filled with great posts on Fashion , Living and what really matters at the end of it all! I will be sharing some things I have learned in these past few years on the journey to Who Will I Be Now.

 

Healing with Mother Nature and Her Seasons

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On my morning walk, I was greeted by a most beautiful Humming bird hovering at its feeder, taking in through its long beak the sweet, sugary nectar contained in the feeder. As I stood there watching it for a couple of minutes, I was reminded of the healing powers of nature.

The changing of the seasons is a reminder that nothing is permanent. After a long winter, the warm days of spring melt away the snow and warm the air that has kept us inside. With each passing day the grass, flowers and animals that have been resting start to awaken and before you know it we are playing in the hot summer days, building castles in the sand and swimming with the sea creatures. During this time farmers’ fields begin to blossom with wonderful crops, that keep our bodies nourished throughout the seasons. As the earth revolves, the heat of summer begins to fade in our corner of the world making way for autumn. The fiery colours of the leaves bring with them a reminder that one must start to prepare for the winter ahead. Food becomes heartier to warm up our insides from the cold breezes that signal the arrival of winter. Sitting around the warmth of the hearth looking out at the snow covered ground, we take in the beauty, with a cup of hot cocoa or tea in hand, dreaming of the day that Mother Nature will decide to change her wardrobe. Though sometimes she takes a little longer to change, yet other times she changes her wardrobe much too quickly, she will change.

 

When a life-changing loss occurs, it is as if one has entered an eternal state of winter .We need to have faith, like the seasons it is not permanent. When brighter days appear we need to embrace them, enjoy them and live in the moment for like the seasons life is always changing.

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It’s been a long and cruel winter [almost 4 years] for me, but with faith and God's helping Angels guiding me..I’m starting to see the sun trying to peak through and warming my days.

What season are you in?

For those not in the grips of winter what advice can you offer?

Picking Up The Pieces

Remember: Just who you will be is up to you. These are the words that Maria Shriver leaves us with in her book Just Who Will You Be? It is a very powerful and scary statement.

I have received various emails over the past couple of months from persons who express a strong desire to move beyond the physical and/or emotional pain they are suffering. They want to know how I am able to wake each day; write so positive and keep moving forward, after everything that I have and continue to go through.

Well, let me tell you – I am no better, nor different from any of you and I have no magic wand. I still have days, where getting out of bed is a huge struggle be it due to lack of energy, pain, or just feeling at a loss. When I started blogging I made a pledge to myself to write less about these more challenging days, and more about the better days. To be honest there are some days that I still do not make it out of bed all day – thankfully these have become less frequent – and I also have days where I do not leave the house, pajamas are the day’s attire. Like you I search for the Holy Grail of Healing.

I have found in the struggle to keep moving forward the support, encouragement and help I receive from family, friends, care-team, pets, my new Blog friends and let’s not forget my pride and vanity; play a huge role in my day to day functionality.

It is important to surround yourself with POSITIVE people. This unfortunately, may require you to distance yourself from love-ones, who are always focusing on the negative effects of this detour in your life - or who always talk about how your situation affects them - instead of trying to encourage you to move forward. This distance may be temporary or permanent, that is up to you.

To further expand on the above points and to share tools that have been instrumental in getting me this far and others that keep me going; my Monday posts will be dedicated to “Picking up the Pieces”.

I look forward to your continued emails and post comments. Know that the comments you leave encourage not just me, but also others who stop by for a visit and read.