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Inspiration for living a luxuriously and balanced life

Monday, September 6, 2010

Life at a Dead End ~

I know that you are all waiting to hear what happened to the Man I started to tell you about on last Sunday’s and Monday’s post {if you didn’t read the previous posts you can click on each day to see the respective post}.  But you need a little more background to better understand.

Imagine, you have everything going for you ~ career; social life; family; friends; you are a fashionista with a collection of heels that are amazing; you are fit and adventurous; active; and you are Independent, have your own home; and you have meant someone whom you may actually want to have a realtionship with (you are not easily distracted - very career focused). Life is pretty sweet!

Then one day you wake up and need help to complete your basic grooming/hygiene needs; in your mind you know what you want to say – but what comes out is completely different (and you are aware that its different, but are able to do anything about it); you now require someone to drive you where you need to go; you have no energy – the simple task of showering exhausts you; you don’t recognize yourself in the mirror – and you don’t sound like yourself; you have all your limbs – but can’t touch your face with your right hand, because your elbow was destroyed and arm is in a hand shake position; your social life now consists of Medical appointments. Almost a year after this change in your life you are no closer to getting your life back. You try to come up with ways of getting your life back ~ but it starts to become pretty clear quite quickly … You may still be alive But your life is at a DEAD END.
Now picture this you are married, life is great (you have your ups and downs like everyone else), a loving and caring spouse, family, friends; a beautiful home; a vacation home; then one day your spouse leaves for work in the morning , life is going great! That evening you get a knock on the door – standing there is a police officer – you look at what is in his hand; you try to breathe- but nothing happens … your brain tries to process what the officer is saying ~ but surely there has been a mistake!!! You rush to the hospital and are informed of the seriousness of the situation – within 48 hours your happy life is gone. Later that week you bury your spouse.

For the next couple of months – all you think about is getting the paperwork done, so that you don’t leave a bigger burdened for her family to deal with. Then out of the blue ~ you meet someone who listens; who understands what it’s like to lose a part of yourself; someone who does not judge nor tell you what you should or not feel or do! Someone who becomes a friend, you what to see not give-up and get through their own challenges in life. Part of you is seeing this because you too don’t want to give-up – but the pain is deep that ending it all, seems like it’s your only solution – but who will help this new friend who needs someone?

You decide to share this new hope for life with your family – parents, siblings, cousins – instead of being happy that you for the time being are not focused on ending your own life; they become disgusted with you; what will people think of "them"; You no longer know what to do – you have lost everything and your own flesh in blood are now turning on you ~ really there is not point to continue anymore… you are only existing, going through the motions, you realize ahead for you there is only a DEAD END.

So, what will two people whose life is at a Dead End do?
What would do you think you would do?

What I want to share with others;

When someone you know is going through a horrific life altering event, unless they are going to physically harm themselves or others, be supportive (You do not have to agree with their decisions or even understand their reasoning). You can assume what you would do faced with the same circumstances, but let me tell you until you are actually walking in those shoes and on that path ~ what you think you would do and what you may actually do could be as opposite as north and south. It is not up to us to pass judgment on others. Passing judgment only pushes the person further down that black hole of darkness.


  1. I have goosebumps.. there is so much I want to say, but can't .. I love your blog.
    I dont know if you became this person because of your accident, although I doubt it, the intelligence and empathy has to be there to begin with.. sometimes it just needs someone/something to show it a purpose.
    There are many thing I would like to share but couldn't as more mental than physical with me.. but they also made me a better person.. I think/hope
    Great post as always xxx

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  3. I am so sorry that your joy and happiness were crushed by the non understanding of others.
    I thinks its great that you were able to find someone to connect with - really connect with.

    To not feel that they pitied you, but on some level really understood a part of the pain.
    There is no such thing as a dead end, there is however those moments when the road ends and you must take a giant leap of faith!

    I would and encourage you to as well, to find one thing about your day that is beautiful.
    I don't care if its a tea cup full of your favorite beverage or a bird on the window sill - one small moment of beauty that crosses your path.
    Hold onto it for dear life, until the next moment comes!

    My prayers are with you!

  4. Once again so beautifully stated and put! We just never know where our lives will take us and what we will learn. But if we all can learn a bit of wisdom here and use it we all will be a better person for it!
    Thank you for your wisdom!

  5. You know my thoughts on it all so I dont need to repeat them here :O)

    Happy labour day!

  6. I just found your wonderful blog all the way from Spain!
    Wow! it took my breath away. I was surprised to find tears running down my face as I read your last post today; heartbreakingly sad, but so eloquently written.
    I wish I was close enough to give you a hug. Sometimes we don't need to articulate what we want to say; a hug sometimes says it all. Sometimes less is more ;-)

  7. I think you are giving some amazing advice in this post and I totally agree with it. When you or a friend are facing some tough decisions no one can judge what you do, because they don't know what they would do in your situation. You can only be there to offer your support.

    Great blog.

  8. My friend, I am so sorry that I have not commented lately. Life has been stupid busy but I always make sure to check on you at a minimum so you know I've been super busy.
    While the reasons for you an the Man getting together were heartbreaking, I am so happy that you have found each other. We really never know where love is going to come from and when it's going to sneak up on us.

    I think you know how much you mean to me and how unbelievably inspiring you are.

  9. You have such a way to express such emotion...I hope the healing continues as you write. I am curious to read more :)
    I wish you a wonderful week with some laughter and giggles in there!

  10. So inspiring how you have persevered & shared your story w/ so many who need it!

    Thank you for entering my giveaway...have a good week.

  11. Like Vanessa I had tears running down my face today. I wanted to jump on a plane and come and hug you. Words have the power to captivate and charge people emotionally. I think you have done just that with this post. X

  12. You said it so beautifully here and I can't understand why it's so difficult for people to just be supportive. I'm dealing with that myself right now.

  13. We all are here for a purpose. When the good Lord feels we have completed our work on earth, he will call us home. Everything is in his hands. There just are no answers as to why things happen at times. Your life is not the same, but it is not over either. Blessings and keep hanging on.

  14. such a poignant, heartbreaking story with
    wonderful advice. it is so difficult to love
    and not judge and to support without being
    able to agree.

    the next time i open my mouth, i will think
    of this post . . . and hopefully close it again.

  15. You are a wonderful writter, I wish I had more time to spend reading your posts :)


  16. I'm so glad you found each other.

  17. What a wonderful post this is. So many (all) should read this and tyr some understanding for the feelings of others going through difficult circumstances.
    I loved your prayers are answered post too. Yes, my prayers are always answered. Sometimes He says no, i have a better plan.

  18. I met Alpha Hubby 8 months after his wife of 17 years passed away (after a year at home taking care of her). We married 7 weeks later. His family was shocked. This was 16.5 years ago. I still don't care what his family thinks (smile). I would have missed this incredible journey with the perfect-for-me man if I'd listened to others. Bah on them!


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