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Inspiration for living a luxuriously and balanced life

Monday, September 13, 2010

Country Living ~ The Healing Begins…

When everywhere, everything and everyone that was familiar and provided you with comfort and safety ~ overnight becomes a stranger, including yourself - you feel like your life has reached a dead end. What you are not aware of [at least not yet] is that no door of happiness closes without a window of possibilities opening.

Continued from: Life at a Dead End ~


It was becoming clear that life as we had once known it; loved it; lived it in our respective lives was gone. Even our respective homes, which should have provided a safe haven for healing, were constant reminders of what we no longer had or could do. People we thought would be there through good and bad had retreated from our lives. For the Man ~ it was his family- who sat in judgment of him; for me it was friends who had always been there – who could not accept I was no longer the active person they knew. Somehow despite all that was painful in our respective lives ~ not wanting the other to give up also kept each of us from focusing on the pain that was crippling our desire to live.

We had managed to find refuge at the Man’s vacation home in the country, surrounded by the healing of nature, solitude and quietness. But as his family became more vocal about their feelings of him and how he was conducting his life (being friends with a woman and trying to help her heal from a tragic accident and in turn healing himself – before a year had passed since his deceased wife’s journey “Home” was a mortal sin in their eyes). Even this place that had become a refuge of healing was turning into an enemy [the vacation home was also owned by other members of his family].

Ok.. maybe it wasn't as bad as this, but going
through the renos, it feels like it! :)
So, on a whim we decided to become real estate partners and search for a retreat we could both live in as we healed. During this time, we looked at many beautiful estate homes ~ but as we know, HE does not give us what we want but what we need. It would be the house in need of repair that would capture our hearts and we would choose to call ours. This idea having been carry out on a whim posed some challenges that started to surface ~ I was still in much need of 24-hour care and trying to find someone who would travel to the country would prove to be next to impossible. Again … it’s not the want but the need that is fulfilled ~ since the Man would be around the house anyways, he figured along with the role of friend he would also provide the role of care-giver. And this is how our journey to Healing Began!

What I Want To Share With Others…

Sometimes it is difficult for those who have known us; loved us, supported us to accept/deal with what we are now going through. I think sometimes family and friends have a harder time accepting our changes then we realize. It is however; extremely important to remember this is their issue … you have enough to deal with without taking on their emotional baggage. When [and if] they come around to realizing it’s not about them ~ but you and your healing ~ do give them the opportunity to make things right. Sometimes these situations resolve themselves with little drama; other times it’s a full Horror Picture Show and yet other times damage to relationships is caused beyond repair.

For those who have loved ones going through healing of any sort ~ never forget they are the “victim” of circumstance not you. You continue on each day with your life, your, husband, your wife, your children etc. and though you may feel pain and hurt – this is not about you. Your role is to be supportive, encouraging. Unless the person is about to harm themselves or someone else – if you feel they are making mistakes – let them, it’s their mistakes to make. Your role is to be there to help pick up the pieces and again be supportive and encouraging.

21 comments:

  1. Again some great advice it is so easy to just keep jumping in with both feet.
    Helping each other by letting a person find their own way, as you say to be there if and when they need you xx

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  2. Thanks for putting the Mercy House button on your blog HHL! That was very sweet of you : ) I really enjoyed reading about their cause today, so I thought I would share it. Glad you got to go read up on them as well. Have a beautiful week, friend. Love to you!
    Laura

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  3. You have completely captured my heart HHL. Your writing is amazing; your story captivating. Thank you again for sharing your journey with us.
    Hugs to you, Mr. G, Dolce and Stella.

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  4. I just had to come and see what this high-heeled life is all about. I like your writing style, and I LOVE that sweet little cabin!

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  5. I do believe Mondays are better now that I know you write something new for each one!! You have a rich treasure from which to share and I am grateful to be a part of it.
    xo
    lynn

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  6. I love this post and the words of wisdom. So glad you share your journey with us.
    Mary

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  7. Great post and you are so right in your advice. Amazed that The Mans family would be so vocal and judgemental. xx

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  8. When your first book is published, I get the first signed copy!! Much Love & thanks for everything *)
    XXOO
    ps- dinner will be ready at 6-

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  9. Again, great advice for those of us that have to help others and help them help themselves!
    Enjoy your day!
    Barb

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  10. I hope you're doing good today!!! Isn't it so strange how people suddenly can turn your back on you! Now I choose my friends so carefully! Good luck with your recovery and have a lovely day! xo Kristin

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  11. I am following this and through the pain liking where it is headed. No one knows anothers' pain.
    It must be so beautiful there right now...how healing is nature ~ And your dear little pooch Dolce!
    Nathalie

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  12. Beautifully written post.

    Hugs,
    Kat

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  13. Wonderful advice, darling. You know so much about life. Love and hugs.

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  14. You cannot live your life to always please others. Whatever makes you happy and make it through each day, go far it. Life as you know is too short. Hang in there my friend.

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  15. Your blog is such a great discovery. I have been going through a healing process after a nasty separation, and relate to your advice. Great words of wisdom, those.

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  16. i have learned so much from you about
    encouraging a healthy relationship with
    my adult children.

    do you realize how many people you
    have affected in just helping me? at
    least 50! we both come from big
    families and then had one of our own.

    thank you for your honesty and wisdom.

    love,
    lea

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  17. This posting was so poignant and just what I needed right now. I love your site.

    I have a New Giveaway from the French Basketeer that I think you will love!

    Karena
    Art by Karena

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  18. You are an incredible, amazing writer! Did you always write, or did it come out after the accident? I have so many questions I want to ask you...I'll just have to keep reading and see how all this unfolds. It always reads like a novel, and I keep reminding myself, "This is REAL life."

    Lovin' the doggie posts too!
    ~Teri

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  19. What a nice reminder! I can definitely relate. I found your page on Barry's post and I'm glad I did:))))

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  20. Very well written and an excellent reminder. Alpha Hubby's family finally came around but of course, it took 16 years for some to realize that our relationship was going to make it! His final healing from losing his late wife needed me to complete it, as God well knew (even if we didn't know at the time). Your story is one of strength and an indomitable spirit!

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Thank you for taking the time to comment. Know that each one is appreciated and read. Any questions posed in comments in will be responded to via the Reply button below your comment. - Live Life Luxuriously!

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