When everywhere, everything and everyone that was familiar and provided you with comfort and safety ~ overnight becomes a stranger, including yourself - you feel like your life has reached a dead end. What you are not aware of [at least not yet] is that no door of happiness closes without a window of possibilities opening.
Continued from: Life at a Dead End ~
It was becoming clear that life as we had once known it; loved it; lived it in our respective lives was gone. Even our respective homes, which should have provided a safe haven for healing, were constant reminders of what we no longer had or could do. People we thought would be there through good and bad had retreated from our lives. For the Man ~ it was his family- who sat in judgment of him; for me it was friends who had always been there – who could not accept I was no longer the active person they knew. Somehow despite all that was painful in our respective lives ~ not wanting the other to give up also kept each of us from focusing on the pain that was crippling our desire to live.
We had managed to find refuge at the Man’s vacation home in the country, surrounded by the healing of nature, solitude and quietness. But as his family became more vocal about their feelings of him and how he was conducting his life (being friends with a woman and trying to help her heal from a tragic accident and in turn healing himself – before a year had passed since his deceased wife’s journey “Home” was a mortal sin in their eyes). Even this place that had become a refuge of healing was turning into an enemy [the vacation home was also owned by other members of his family].
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Ok.. maybe it wasn't as bad as this, but going
through the renos, it feels like it! :) |
So, on a whim we decided to become real estate partners and search for a retreat we could both live in as we healed. During this time, we looked at many beautiful estate homes ~ but as we know, HE does not give us what we want but what we need. It would be the house in need of repair that would capture our hearts and we would choose to call ours. This idea having been carry out on a whim posed some challenges that started to surface ~ I was still in much need of 24-hour care and trying to find someone who would travel to the country would prove to be next to impossible. Again … it’s not the want but the need that is fulfilled ~ since the Man would be around the house anyways, he figured along with the role of friend he would also provide the role of care-giver. And this is how our journey to Healing Began!
What I Want To Share With Others…
Sometimes it is difficult for those who have known us; loved us, supported us to accept/deal with what we are now going through. I think sometimes family and friends have a harder time accepting our changes then we realize. It is however; extremely important to remember this is their issue … you have enough to deal with without taking on their emotional baggage. When [and if] they come around to realizing it’s not about them ~ but you and your healing ~ do give them the opportunity to make things right. Sometimes these situations resolve themselves with little drama; other times it’s a full Horror Picture Show and yet other times damage to relationships is caused beyond repair.
For those who have loved ones going through healing of any sort ~ never forget they are the “victim” of circumstance not you. You continue on each day with your life, your, husband, your wife, your children etc. and though you may feel pain and hurt – this is not about you. Your role is to be supportive, encouraging. Unless the person is about to harm themselves or someone else – if you feel they are making mistakes – let them, it’s their mistakes to make. Your role is to be there to help pick up the pieces and again be supportive and encouraging.
