Being Social & Friendships in the Resilientista Years

The gals of Sex and the City are a great representation of the ease in which friendships are made in our 30s. The opportunities for social outings with other women seemed limitless and friendships were easily made. Why does that seem to change as we get into our late 40s and 50s? Is it age or is it something else?

I pondered this question recently, and thought about my own situation; at first glance it was easy to paint it as an age thing. But with further thought, I believe it's more of a life stage thing, and not being able to make friends after 50 really is a limiting believe. There is no friendship cut off age and as life changes (think geographic moves, divorce or loss of spouse/partner, illness, semi/retirement, empty nester etc.) or, current friends no longer offer the support and encouragement that makes a friendship, many people find themselves needing or wanting to make new friends.

Most notably when I found myself with unexpected free time on my hands and reached out to my gal friends for an impromptu gals nite. While everyone was excited about the idea and so wanted to attend - most already had other commitments for that evening. What I learned is that impromptu may not work the way it once did - as many have spouses, children, grandchildren; others are back in the dating scene or already filling their weekends way ahead of time (one friend in particular is booked every weekend past Labour Day!). 

Does this mean that social activities as your life stage changes is limited to mostly family or solo activities? ABSOLUTELY NOT! ~ one only has to click through Instagram to see women in their late 40s, 50s and beyond actively having amazing social lives with their gal (and even male) pals.

Here are 8 ideas to start cultivating new friendships:

1) Step outside your front door: this may seem like a given, but you will not meet new people unless you get out your front door.

2) Give Back : volunteering is a great way to help others, feel a sense of belonging to a community and meeting new people.

3) Make Friends with Yourself : take yourself out on dates, and outings, get to know what you enjoy (and equally important what you don't like) doing. When you are your own friend, you are exuding an air of happiness, confidence, and love; and that will be the friends you will attract.

4) Take a class: It doesn't matter what the class is - so long as it's something you enjoy. You will already have one thing in common with your classmates. So sign up for that pottery, yoga, sewing, spin etc. class.

5) Travel with a Tour Group: If you enjoy travelling but all your friends are busy or you have no one to travel with, don't let that enjoyment go. Travelling with a tour group, offers the feeling of traveling with someone as well as the opportunity to meet new people who may turn into a new friend.

6) Reconnect with Friends: Sometimes friends drift because of life circumstances. If there is a friend you really enjoyed doing things with reach out to them, who knows you may be able to pick up where you left off or may have an amazing new friendship. If it doesn't go beyond the initial contact - that's ok too!

7) Create a Social Routine: Especially if you work from home, are (semi/) retired, that gets you out of the house. Once or twice a week - have coffee at a particular cafe; go for a walk; or meet friends after after work.

8) Use Technology : Whether you find yourself in a new city or your life stage has changed  MeetUp.com  is a great way to meet new people with common interests.

Would love for you to share in the comments 
your experiences and ideas for making new friends in the Resilientista Years..

image credits: 1) Google Images 2)Diamond

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Relationships & What I've Learned at 50

1) All relationships have an expiry date, and too often we remain in a relationship hoping "the person" will change their spots, despite how many times they let us down. 

2) When a relationship has come to an end no matter how long it may not have been good - you still need to take time to heal, reconnect with yourself and recharge yourself. Jumping into another relationship will only provide a band-aid solution and you may find yourself in the same predicament in the months, years to come.

3) If someone's actions threaten your well being - be it health, financial, emotional or physical well-being;while your heart may want to give them an opportunity to make things better, it's also important to set a time limit for things to be rectified. Let the person know ... and then do not cave! Walk away. If you let them know how something is making you feel and they don't take steps to make you feel secure - then they are being about them self only - and have no interest in comprise (or your feelings).

4) If someone is not happy with your reaction to their original action, that you brought to their attention - and goes on to further break your trust and blames you because of the reaction ! RUN!! as much as your heart may not have caught up with your head. KNOW it takes two to make things work or not - if he takes no responsibility for his part, know he has given you a gift of freedom, even if it's rocking your very essence and being to the core and it hurts like hell!

5) Each relationship teaches us something - if we take the time to reflect and identify the lessons. Knowing the lessons will better equip us to apply them in future relationships, thus breaking the cycle and not having to relearn the lesson.

6) Forgiveness is key to moving forward. Forgive for your own well being - even if you don't tell the other person you forgive them. Try this mantra "I let go, and forgive him" - keep repeating it until it's true. 

7) A man will always tell you who he really is. If he says "you are too good for him", "he is a bad boy" BELIEVE him. This was something a good friend's mother once told us - while I have never forgotten this - I may not always have put her very wise words to practice.

8) Relationships are hard work and I do believe that almost everything can be worked out. But if the person you are with has not worked out his relationship with himself - don't expect things to be smooth sailing.

9) The early days, weeks, months and even years may run smoothly, after all it's shiny new. Even if its built on the ruins of the past relationship. But in time cracks will appear. Until each person has dealt with their pain of a past relationship and has a healthy relationship with them self - they cannot truly have a healthy relationship with another.

10) Even healthy relationships can come to an end. The difference is though some things may not have worked - RESPECT and LOVE has always been present. You both cared enough to recognize you may not work as a couple, and that's OK .... but you are able to maintain a friendship. 

“The most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself.” — Carrie Bradshaw

What relationship lessons have you learned? 

Would love for you to add to the above in the comments.

images via: Google images

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