As the calendar flips over to October and the days start to creep towards the 28th, the years post accident have seen me slip back into a state of numbness that will continue it's roller coaster of emotions through to the next October 28th. A never ending cycle of ups and downs, with small glimmers of hope along the Detour, I've been travelling in my life for the past 4 years.
If you are a new reader of Falling Off A High Heeled Life you can read about my Detour Here.
This year something interesting has been happening ...almost like a feeling of spring cleaning! The month of October 2011 has been filled with anxiety and there continues to be some I just can't get out of bed days. But these come and go without the episodes, as I have named them (the terrifying emotional and mental break downs ~ to the point of not wanting to leave the house let alone continue to live), which keep me prisoner of the never ending cycle.
This year it's like I'm throwing open a window
and trying to breathe.
Having not experienced this feeling in previous years around this time (or any other time, for that matter), I turned to a close friend for her thoughts. What she shared was quite interesting, she pointed out that this October 28th, will mark the fifth anniversary of my accident. OK and.???...( I thought), she went on to tell me about a Diane Sawyer interview with some of the family members of victims from September 11th, 2001, she had seen.
This interview was conducted at the fifth anniversary of September 11th. Diane said it was noticeable that the fifth anniversary had seem to bring change in the progress of the family members, when it came to their grief. They were finally showing signs of looking forward to a new future and it was clear they were entering a new phase.
Could I too be entering a new phase of dealing with my grief at the loss of parts of myself and life? Is there finally a bend in this road I've been on Detour, leading me down a new path? Is the discovery (creating) of the NEW me coming within reach? What ever it may be, I'm looking forward and that my friends is a definite change.
I would like to take this opportunity to thank each of you who read my posts, and for all your sweet words of encouragement. When friends and family could not reach anything within me, and at times I was lost beyond words; it was the citizens of BlogLand who through their own inspiring posts, and stories made me realize, I needed to write, share my experiences and reach out to others. There is a purpose for me having survived, I just need to keep my mind open to new things....
Here's to the next 12 months, Bring it on!!
" Out of Clutter find Simplicity;
From Discord find Harmony;
In the middle of Difficulty lies Opportunity." ~ Albert Einstein
On Friday October 28th, 2011, I will be doing my First Guest Post! Thank you Jessica, writer of the blog The Entertaining House, for inviting me. I hope you will stop by for a visit, discover Jessica's blog (if you haven't already) which is filled with great posts on Fashion , Living and what really matters at the end of it all! I will be sharing some things I have learned in these past few years on the journey to Who Will I Be Now.
This is wonderful news! You are an inspiration to others who have faced adversity. I look forward to reading your guest post - I'll head over right now! :)
ReplyDeleteI just know these next 12 months are going to be your best ever. I can't wait to go on the journey with you. We're going to have a rocking growing good time!!
ReplyDeleteOne day at a time!
ReplyDeleteDearest Celia,
ReplyDeleteLet's start with a big all around hug... Well, you're living through quite some ups and downs. But with Stella home safe again, you will also tackle this period. Hope you got fluffed back from you trip to Paris. It is great to be there but one always pays afterward for having to catch up for all the missed days at home. Laundry, mail etc.
But sure enough, this is a milestone reached and you are going up-hill with your great attitude. A role model for so many and that will help you make it around the new bend in the road.
Would love to see the last picture but for some reason it is not loading...
Love to all of you from both of us + felines,
Mariette
You're a beautiful writer, I've 'seen' your blog but never read your story before, thank you so much for showing this difficult part of your life to the world. For all of us, our "me' is in constant transformation, your is more physical and was forced upon you which takes courage to face.
ReplyDeleteHi Celia,
ReplyDeleteYou are an inspiration! I have had some tell me the same thing after I was diagnosed with MG.
The fact is, one does have to take one day at a time and live each day to its fullest.
You will still have your good days and bad days, but setting goals for yourself is healthy.
Like you, I'm so glad I started to blog because it helps me to get out there and 'meet' other people when I'm not able to get out of the house. Once in a while I even get to minister to someone else which is always a blessing.
Bless you, dear Celia. Thank you for being so open and honest about your trials and I hope your day is filled with beauty!
Blessings and hugs,
Sandi
I think you are an amazing woman and am so proud of you for being so truthful about everything you are going through. We are cheering you on.
ReplyDeleteLove,
kristin
I have been following your story here, and find you to be very brave. How grand to find that this 5th year anniversary of the detour will be the start of something new and wonderful.
ReplyDelete"He will yet fill your mouth with laughter and your lips with shouts of joy." Job 8:11
Looking so very forward to having you tomorrow. You are brave. Our journeys have many paths and sometimes the detours are just life's way of putting us back on track. I believe there are no coincidences...I believe everything happens for a reason. I also believe that wrong turns often steer us in the right direction.
ReplyDeletexoxo
Great attitude ... bring it on!
ReplyDeleteI had no idea you had gone through all of that. I am fairly new to your blog and I am so happy to hear that the "veil covering your eyes" is lifting and that changes are in the wind for you....Much deserved.
ReplyDeleteThe day of your accident is the birthday of my mother-in-law who passed away 3 years ago. She would have done exactly what you have done...moved on.
Congratulations on your continued progress.
Kris
I am glad you have taken a different approach this year...same old same old ;o)
ReplyDeleteGirlfriend, I hope you know how proud all of us, your blog friends, are of you and how far you've come. I think your friend is right...the 5 year anniversary can be a turning point. I pray it is for you.
ReplyDeleteBig hugs,
Kat
Celia, this post is not only wonderful news but also very uplifting for anybody else who would need to hear the hope and possibility in your words. I'm really happy for you and look forward to come on this changing voyage with you.
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad that I found your blog. You are such a courageous person. I don't know that I would be able to get through what you have. I pray that it will be all uphill for you now. You've come this far, you're a survivor, it can only get better. God bless you!
ReplyDeleteMay of this year marked the fourth year since my motorcycle was totaled and I was left on the highway. Next year, deep breath, it makes me tense thinking about it.
ReplyDeleteI'm just so glad you're here, you're writing and you're moving forward. ♥
Dear Celia,
ReplyDeleteI came over from mariette and I am shocked what ahppened to you. But you are so brave! I can't do something really important for you, at least I want to give you a loving virtual hug. Enjoy your good days, as there are still some. You have still so many years to live and in that time, a lot of things can improve. I wish you sunshine in your heart and many good friends.
Hugs, Johanna
Dear Celia,
ReplyDeleteYou are an inspiration to us all - all my love and best wishes as you move on to the next phase - it will be wonderful, especially with your Honey at your side! Keep on!
Bonne week-end,
Mimi
Just found your blog and how serendipitous that it
ReplyDeletewas on this auspicious anniversary. Congratulations
on five years of inspirational recovery. I wish
you the best today and all days going forward. I
didn't know the "old" you but the new "you" is
amazing.
Wow....you totally inspire...and you remind me that we need to grieve or work through trauma in our lives. And there is life after trauma. I can attest to that. Stay strong and keep up your awesome writing. You got me hooked and next 12 months...bring it on. Tons of hugs
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteHi Celia,
ReplyDeleteHave just come across via Mariette's blog. What an inspirational story and so glad to hear that you are entering a new phase in your life and may the past five, be left behind.
Hope that the days ahead are bright and you are able to face each one with courage and strength.
Hugs
Carolyn
Celia, I am coming over to meet you from Mariette"s Back to Basics. She has done a beautiful tribute post about you. I am inspired by your life.
ReplyDeleteCongratulations on your guest post. I will go over and check on you there. I am a new follower.
Blessings, Ginger
I am taking your button for my side bar. Hugs, Ginger
ReplyDeleteI do hope that this is another bend in the road that brings a new season and stage for you. Thoughts and prayers will be with you as you continue on this journey. XO
ReplyDeleteHi Celia,
ReplyDeleteIt looks like it will be a big beautiful world for you in the future. Moving forward-go for it!!
Enjoy every day,
Barb
Inspiring!!! Go get them girl, and do not let anything get in your way:-)
ReplyDeleteCelia,
ReplyDeleteAll I can say is...
"YOU GO GIRL"!
xo
Nathalie
Oh, my beautiful friend,
ReplyDeleteYou ended this well with one of my favorite individuals: ALBERT EINSTEIN. I have read up enough on him to know that he had struggles as many of us do, and of course, to different degrees. But he was right when he said that now famous quote, and YOU ARE RIGHT to recognize that through blogland, you are beginning to find your purpose. WHY? Well, I think about this a lot. And I truly believe, and NOT JUST BECAUSE I AM A LANGUAGE teacher and writing enthusiast, but I BELIEVE that when we WRITE and we have AN AUDIENCE, we find a PURPOSE TO COMMUNICATE and then we find ourselves. When we write, we are excavating our minds, hearts and fears. There is healing power in writing. Look at this Einstein quote:
"Either write something worth reading, or do something worth writing." Einstein.
Writing shapes your thinking and clarifies it. I can even tell that in the last YEAR, your writing has taken SHAPE. We are here for you. I have never experienced this much support EVER, until blogland. WHY? Because to enter and remain in blogland, you need to PERSEVERE in COMMUNICATING with a purpose. Carry on my dear friend, carry on. You have come this far...you have a WONDERFUL MIND....keep going.
With much respect, Anita
it is not surprising that people need at least five
ReplyDeleteyears to heal from a devastating circumstance.
i pray that this, indeed, will be your year of
breakthrough!
you really have such an amazing story. May God give you clear purpose over the next 12 months and beyond as you continue to grow into your new life. That October date five years ago was not a surprise to God, He held you then and will hold you forever!
ReplyDeleteCarrie
I am thrilled to have known and followed you for so long. Thrilled that you have over come and BECOME a new different beautiful person.
ReplyDeleteI also value all your kind words and friendship.
You are such a love and an inspiration to all of us. This "new" year is going to be extra special for you...I just know it! xoxo, A
ReplyDeleteCelia, you are such an inspiration to ALL of us. We may not have experienced anything as traumatic as you have, but the grace with which you have overcome your hurdles is so inspiring.
ReplyDeleteFunnily enough when I lost my Mum, it was only at the 5 year mark that I suddenly started to feel like "me" again. At first it was only very small changes which at the time I didn't appreciate. But now, with the wisdom of the passing years, I can see it was new growth. Likewise Celia, you were radically "pruned" back, but now all your new buds and blossoms are ready to expose their beauty and new growth to the world, and we are all here to hold your hand as you do. BIG hugs Sweets xxx
Dearest Celia,
ReplyDeleteHope you had a restful weekend and start a fresh new week feeling somewhat energized. Anita did word it so well, she is a great writer herself!
Wishing you and Mr. G. + furbabies a lovely week ahead.
Love to you,
Mariette
YEAH angel!!!!!! That's the spirit!!!
ReplyDeleteEverything and everyone has it own time to start let things moving, letting go and look forward...
I always celebrate April 9 (my car accident day) as a birthday.... this year I did 10 years.
I'm sure that when you'll do the 10 years you will feel very different and things will all be on track, fulfilling your purpose of continue to live.
I can see more hope on your words.
Imagine what you accomplished until now, you'll have much more probabilities to do even better as time goes by.
And yes, you can count with Blogland, everybody loves you and want to support you, angel.
Tons of love and blessings your way with a big kiss and a warm hug.
PS - Is Husband alright? Hope so!!
xoxoxoxoxoxox
I am so happy to read this and to hear that this year is different!
ReplyDeleteYou, my friend, are an inspiration.
Here's to the next 12 months!
xo
You have come a long way. We may not have your problems, but we all have our down days. Try not to dwell on the past. Keep your mind so busy you cannot think that way. Life is precious. Enjoy what time you have.
ReplyDeleteI believe hope is the greatest gift of all healing and I'm so happy it has found its way into your heart. Your strength and honesty is so inspiring. Thank you for sharing it with us. You'll probably never know the full extent of the impact you've had on others. :)
ReplyDelete