5 Years Later...what's that a bend in the road?

As the calendar flips over to October and the days start to creep towards the 28th, the years post accident have seen me slip back into a state of numbness that will continue it's roller coaster of emotions through to the next October 28th. A never ending cycle of ups and downs, with small glimmers of hope along the Detour, I've been travelling in my life for the past 4 years.

If you are a new reader of Falling Off A High Heeled Life you can read about my Detour Here.

This year something interesting has been happening ...almost like a feeling of spring cleaning! The month of October 2011 has been filled with anxiety and there continues to be some I just can't get out of bed days. But these come and go without the episodes, as I have named them (the terrifying emotional and mental break downs ~ to the point of not wanting to leave the house let alone continue to live), which keep me prisoner of the never ending cycle.

This year it's like I'm throwing open a window 

and trying to breathe.

Having not experienced this feeling in  previous years around this time (or any other time, for that matter), I turned to a close friend for her thoughts. What she shared was quite interesting, she pointed out that this October 28th, will mark the fifth anniversary of my accident. OK and.???...( I thought), she went on to tell me about a Diane Sawyer interview with some of the family members of victims from September 11th, 2001, she had seen.  

This interview was conducted at the fifth anniversary of September 11th. Diane said it was noticeable that the fifth anniversary had seem to bring change in the progress of the family members, when it came to their grief. They were finally showing signs of looking forward to a new future and it was clear they were entering a new phase.

Could I too be entering a new phase of dealing with my grief at the loss of parts of myself and life? Is there finally a bend in this road I've been on Detour, leading me down a new path? Is the discovery (creating) of the NEW me coming within reach? What ever it may be, I'm looking forward and that my friends is a definite change. 

I would like to take this opportunity to thank each of you who read my posts, and for all your sweet words of encouragement. When friends and family could not reach anything within me, and at times I was lost beyond words; it was the citizens of BlogLand who through their own inspiring posts, and stories made me realize, I needed to write, share my experiences and reach out to others. There is a purpose for me having survived, I just need to keep my mind open to new things.... 

Here's to the next 12 months, Bring it on!!

" Out of Clutter find Simplicity;

From Discord find Harmony;

In the middle of Difficulty lies Opportunity." ~ Albert Einstein

On Friday October 28th, 2011, I will be doing my First Guest Post! Thank you  Jessica, writer of the blog The Entertaining House, for inviting me. I hope you will stop by for a visit, discover Jessica's blog (if you haven't already) which is filled with great posts on Fashion , Living and what really matters at the end of it all! I will be sharing some things I have learned in these past few years on the journey to Who Will I Be Now.

 

Sleeping Beauty ... Once Upon A Time

This is the 2nd installment of Once Upon A Time weekly series. To view previous Click Here ..

Much like Sleeping Beauty, the princess was in a sleep that no one could wake her from. Not even a Prince Charming could help. Everyone thought she would slip away and not awaken, but hours turned to days and days to weeks, and the princess continue to lay in a deep sleep. Tubes and machines aiding in her breathing, to keep her from completely slipping away.

While Angels hovered around her human body, making sure all was going as planned. Other Angels awoke her soul and guided it gently Home.

The princess was uncertain what was happening, the Angels assured her all would be revealed to her in time, to have patience. Some how the princess knew they spoke the truth ... and remained calm and silent as they glided upwards in the crisp night air.

In the distance a golden gate was emerging into view, then suddenly out of thin air the silence that embraced her throughout the journey was broken. The silence was replaced with a sound the princess could not place, and try as she might to describe it no words seem to fit. "Angelic" the word appeared in her mind's eye "Peaceful", "Magical", "Beautiful" all seemed to float inside her head. 

As the princess entered through the gates, she realized ~ Angels were creating this beautiful sound, that was filling her with warmth and a familiar peacefulness - but she could not recall where she had felt  it before.

Suddenly everything was a golden glow and the princess and everyone around her was dressed in the most lavish gowns and suits; the air was filled with the energy of strength and good health. Not one person appeared frail, old, tired, in pain or ill. Perfect! They were all perfect! Healthy and joyous.

As they entered, the enormousness of the room seem to continue infinitely. Suddenly with the next step she took, the princess realized she was not actually walking but floating across the room.

 Reaching out to get a passer-by's attention the princess was taken back ... suddenly everyone was transparent;  floating as golden, glowing energy, including herself. How could this be? she wanted to ask, but her mouth did not open. Instead she was communicating in thought and was receiving a response in thought. Is this a dream?

No, you are not having a dream. You are Home, it will take a few moments for all the memories of lives lived and lessons learned become accessible to you. Then you will remember everything. The words were received in thought by the figure who stood before her, shrouded in white. Just beyond where they were communicating, was a flowing river, a group of thousands seemed to be waiting. Where are they going? thought the princess ... forgetting her thoughts were no longer just hers. Again the figure shrouded in white before her responded " They have ended their earthly journey and have chosen to reunite with those who have returned Home before them."

What do you think will happen next? Will the princess join the waiting group? Tune in next week for a continuation ... of

 Once Upon a Time is a new weekly feature ... till next time..

Once Upon A Time ...

There lived a very fit and active curly haired princess ~ she kept her golden brown locks tamed and in place, you would not have known they had a mind of their own. She worked hard at a career she loved, often starting early in the morning with the chirping of the birds and ending the day long after the final evening news had aired. But, don't worry she played equally hard, travelled the world and attended many social functions.

Life was good for this business developer and marketing princess! She wore the finest clothes, stood taller in her Jimmy Choos than her 5'2" height , Gucci and LV dangled from her hand. She ate at the finest restaurants; lived in her very own charming little castle and was friends with other lucky princesses and princes who called Yorkville their playground. 

She wasn't looking for a prince charming, nope, she was a modern day princess. Equally comfortable in a pair of jeans and T-shirt as she was in an evening ball gown. Independence was her middle name.

Even with a very busy schedule, she gave of her time to a help others get a helping hand in life.

Then one day as she crossed the street on her way to a very posh dinner party, she was knocked off her Jimmy Choos by a careless jalopy driver. As her lifeless body laid on the pavement, witnesses were sure she had taken her last breath. 

How could this be happening? She may not have always been the perfect princess, but she was a good princess, with a great life, would it end this way? Tune in next week for a continuation ... of

 Once Upon a Time is a new weekly feature ... till next time..