Every Beginning starts from an Ending ~ A Memory In Time ~

October 28th, 2006 ~ 8:30 p.m.

This date and time will forever be the defining moment at which my life as

I knew it, lived it, loved it, enjoyed it, and treasured came to an end.

The voice I had known as mine is no more, in its place

is a voice I do not recognize, at times, as belonging to me.

The once toned, fit, healthy body that encased and kept my soul safe,

 is now a reflection I don't reconize in the mirror.

The sharp, quick , capable of making the toughest decisions,

mind, giving me independence ~ is no longer.

It is now slower, foggy, and confused at times,

requiring to depend on others for support.

On this day I say... I have not forgotten "ME" and miss "ME" terribly.

But I'm learning to treasure the time , laughter, tears, happiness 

and the memories made, before it all came to an end.

I will use it all as a stepping stone to "Re-invent ME"..

ME 3.0 ~ In Development!!

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Haunting Thoughts....

The man whose driver’s car door mirror would take my life could only say

“I didn’t see her”. What could he have been doing that he did not see me standing there?

In a well lit area, wearing a white coat, waiting for traffic to pass. I don’t recall any part of the accident ~ have been told, witnesses were saying at the scene “She was waiting to finish crossing”

When asked by police what speed he was going ? The driver said “the speed limit” when asked what that was he replied “60 km”  It’s a 50 km area. Speeding by his own admission, yet not charged.

What kind of person strikes another person down with his vehicle and months later his insurance had still not been notified?

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Life at a Dead End ~

I know that you are all waiting to hear what happened to the Man I started to tell you about on last Sunday’s and Monday’s post {if you didn’t read the previous posts you can click on each day to see the respective post}.  But you need a little more background to better understand.


Imagine, you have everything going for you ~ career; social life; family; friends; you are a fashionista with a collection of heels that are amazing; you are fit and adventurous; active; and you are Independent, have your own home; and you have meant someone whom you may actually want to have a realtionship with (you are not easily distracted - very career focused). Life is pretty sweet!

Then one day you wake up and need help to complete your basic grooming/hygiene needs; in your mind you know what you want to say – but what comes out is completely different (and you are aware that its different, but are able to do anything about it); you now require someone to drive you where you need to go; you have no energy – the simple task of showering exhausts you; you don’t recognize yourself in the mirror – and you don’t sound like yourself; you have all your limbs – but can’t touch your face with your right hand, because your elbow was destroyed and arm is in a hand shake position; your social life now consists of Medical appointments. Almost a year after this change in your life you are no closer to getting your life back. You try to come up with ways of getting your life back ~ but it starts to become pretty clear quite quickly … You may still be alive But your life is at a DEAD END.

Now picture this you are married, life is great (you have your ups and downs like everyone else), a loving and caring spouse, family, friends; a beautiful home; a vacation home; then one day your spouse leaves for work in the morning , life is going great! That evening you get a knock on the door – standing there is a police officer – you look at what is in his hand; you try to breathe- but nothing happens … your brain tries to process what the officer is saying ~ but surely there has been a mistake!!! You rush to the hospital and are informed of the seriousness of the situation – within 48 hours your happy life is gone. Later that week you bury your spouse.

For the next couple of months – all you think about is getting the paperwork done, so that you don’t leave a bigger burdened for her family to deal with. Then out of the blue ~ you meet someone who listens; who understands what it’s like to lose a part of yourself; someone who does not judge nor tell you what you should or not feel or do! Someone who becomes a friend, you what to see not give-up and get through their own challenges in life. Part of you is seeing this because you too don’t want to give-up – but the pain is deep that ending it all, seems like it’s your only solution – but who will help this new friend who needs someone?

You decide to share this new hope for life with your family – parents, siblings, cousins – instead of being happy that you for the time being are not focused on ending your own life; they become disgusted with you; what will people think of "them"; You no longer know what to do – you have lost everything and your own flesh in blood are now turning on you ~ really there is not point to continue anymore… you are only existing, going through the motions, you realize ahead for you there is only a DEAD END.

So, what will two people whose life is at a Dead End do?

What would do you think you would do?

What I want to share with others;

When someone you know is going through a horrific life altering event, unless they are going to physically harm themselves or others, be supportive (You do not have to agree with their decisions or even understand their reasoning). You can assume what you would do faced with the same circumstances, but let me tell you until you are actually walking in those shoes and on that path ~ what you think you would do and what you may actually do could be as opposite as north and south. It is not up to us to pass judgment on others. Passing judgment only pushes the person further down that black hole of darkness.