They may have made it seem to the outside world like they were your rock; but only you know how often you were left alone; how many nights you cried yourself to sleep, and the frustration of not being able to do things yourself - only to have to wait for another to do it or to get so frustrated that you used every minuscule amount of energy you could harness to do it yourself. But having them there at all -made you feel like you weren't totally alone.
You become good at putting on the "everything is great" face. There may be times when caring souls around you question things. Perhaps out of embarrassment, feeling of hopeless ~ or fear of criticizing a loved one, you put on a smile and say "everything is fine".
This often involves a loved one, whose intentions are good, but they are not professionals nor super heroes. I can recall when Mr. G. decided that HE would be better at taking care of me than anyone else. For fear of disappointing him or making him feel unwanted, I agreed. I will share with you it was not the smartest decision I have ever made - looking back I will chalk it up to my brain injury (yes, I can smile about it -sort of -now). But, seriously if you find yourself in need of help with your day to day activities as much as loved ones really are coming from a good place (and one of love) you are only asking for trouble and headaches by not bringing in the proper care-providers. Trust me when I say any money saved is not worth it!
One of the biggest factors that happens is the line between spouse (or any other relationship you have with a person) become blurred. And over time you see them as "trying to be the boss of you or controlling your every move" while they see you as fragile and unable to make ANY decision about anything; even as you gain strength and are better able to care for yourself.
I would love to hear from HHL readers who have either been the loved one wanting to be helpful or from the person who agreed to let a loved one fill the many roles of care-provider. How did it work out for you? What tips can you share with other readers about similar situations?
Have you become a loved one's primary care-provider?
Or have you had a loved step into the role of primary care-provider for you?
(this could be spouse with spouse; child to parent; sibling to sibling etc.)