Summer is not all sunshine for some people ... Summer SAD

Most of us are familiar with SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) in winter - I wrote about my own experience with it here and spoke about it on HuffPost Live here ... but SAD can also happen in the sun filled long days of summer - most commonly referred to as reverse SAD, because it occurs during the summer months. 

The pressure to "have fun" can be overwhelming - after all everyone else "seems" to be having such a great time. The symptoms of SAD are the same as those of depression, but occur during a specific time of year.

Some of the most common reasons summer can be a difficult time for some people:

Unstructured Days: Routine seems to go out the window when summer is in full swing. This can be overwhelming for those of us who rely on structure to keep us organized and productive. If you have children you now may find yourself having to fill their day with activities as well as your regular day-to-day stuff. 

Unplanned/expected Expenses: With the hot temperatures we have been experiencing in Toronto - it's too easy to get caught up in hitting a patio after work with colleagues to cool off and enjoy the fleeting summer. Once in awhile may not be so hard on the budget - but it can quickly become a regular thing - and then there goes the budget. The pressure to host BBQs - can also become draining if your friends are joyfully showing up empty handed - both in the food and beverage departments. Oh and the summer vacation; and the added electricity cost of running the A/C; the list goes on and on.

Self Conscious: With summer comes heat - and one of the most common ways to escape it is to head to the closest beach or waterfront park area. This also translates into shorts, short sleeves and bathing suits. When you are not feeling comfortable with how you look the thought showing any skin can lead to stress and anxiety.

The Summer Heat: Just like the cold of winter can be isolating - the heat of summer will have people staying close to their air conditioner to avoid the heat. And if the high temperatures last for days at a time - this can lead to feelings of isolation and little interest to participate in activities outside of their home such as going for a walk or meeting with friends for outdoor fun.

Eating Habits: When the temperatures rise our desire turn on the stove can vanish - turning instead to quick take out meals (that may or may not be healthy options). This can lead to unwanted weight gain and feelings of depression.

Some tips for dealing with SAD in the Summer:

Plan Pot Luck/BYOB: If things are a little tight with finances, or the thought of hosting a gathering is overwhelming and stressing you out - suggest a pot luck and bring your own beverages gathering with friends. This will help keep you social without stretching your budget or feeling like you have to do it all.

Free Summer Fun: During the summer cities such as Toronto offer a whole assortment of free festivals and activities. Check your city's website for free summer fun. This is a great way to have fun all summer long without feeling like you can't do anything without spending large amounts of money.

Plan Meals: Cook extra food and turn it into other meals throughout the week. When I cook pasta or rice - I always make extra. On days that I'm running late or let's face it we all have those days when it's so hot out we just don't feel like cooking - I can add vegetables to either and have a healthy meal in no time.

Speak to Someone: We all experience not so good days - but if your not so good are more frequent than your good days - consider speaking to your family doctor, psychologist or another medical professional who may be able to help you figure out why you are always tired, or lacking interest in things you once enjoyed.

Sleep: With endless activities in can be easy to over do it - and not get enough sleep. Make sure you are getting your required about of sleep each night.

Mindful Movement: Consciously ensure you are moving your body daily - through yoga, stretching, walking or via an other form of exercise. Exercise is key to keeping your mind and body fit.

HYDRATE: Make sure you are drinking plenty of water - the summer heat can really dehydrate you. Too often we think we are hungry - but what our body really need is a glass of water.

Have you experience SAD during summer months? 

How did/do you deal with it ?

You are the curator of your life so live it luxuriously ,



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“Beyond the Physical …” - Part of Picking Up The Pieces Mondays

For those who emailed me.. thank you for your sweet words - I am OK.. Remember these Monday posts catching up to where I am today. Going back to this time was a little challenging and I apologize if its is a little scattered. Feel free to email me if you would like more insight into this part of recovery. Again sorry for the lateness of this post today...
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Having sat in front of this computer for almost an hour staring at the blank page on the screen, clicking some words followed by the “backspace” button; I realize that this is perhaps the hardest post about the accident I have sat to write. “Why?” you may be asking – well perhaps unlike the limitations caused by injuries and the physical pain, which can be seen and somewhat managed – what I’m about to share is often not seen by others and simmers lightly beneath the surface.

In the early days of recovery I sometimes felt like I was “going crazy” or was so “broken” that nothing would make me whole again. Overtime with wonderful supportive people around me; a good psychologist; and Meds I find that I am able to somehow find the strength to keep going despite;

My Reduced interest in previously enjoyed activities

My limitations (energy, attention span, information processing) in the early days often kept me from doing things that I once found such joy in – such as; going to a movie, out to eat, meeting friends for coffee, shopping, gardening , ironing my bed sheets (yes, to this day I still miss the ironing of sheets).

Sleep difficulties

At night dreams that caused me to wake up panicked throughout the night, my face and pillow damp from tears – that I do not recall crying and no matter how hard I try I can never remember the dream . I have no memory of the accident; a friend suggested that perhaps during my sleep I am somehow recalling the accident [to this day I do not know what causes me to feel that way in my sleep, and I still have these experiences, thankfully not as frequent].

Concentration difficulties

Easily distracted to the point that I forget if I have eaten or not; brushed my teeth. I try to avoid noisy places and areas with too my people. Recently I was all proud to be boiling water for some pasta – (Mr. G was home working on something and after much discussion agreed to let me use the stove while he was outside) all was going well. Then little Dolce needed to be let out – I recall thinking I can do this … so I went to let him out , Dolce took a little longer and was pulling to go for a walk – so off we went. I returned back to the house to a frantic Mr. G holding a nearly boiled dry pot. Needless to say I’m still not to use the stove unless someone is in the immediate area. Thankfully he was here to check on me and keep me safe.

Easily irritated

Today the frequency of these feelings has been lessening with Meds [discovering the right Meds has been a very bumpy road], identify triggers and removing them or myself from the situation has been beneficial to having some sort of life.

Anxiety

Being around moving cars, loud people/noises and not being able to do things that once came so easily.

The realization of how my injuries impacted my ability to carry out basic day to day functions brought with it another revelation – my future career plans are gone. Without a career, what future do I have? Things started to not look very promising for me; and that was the beginning of a downward swirl. I experienced my first complete melt down around May 2007. (Yes the first, there were 3 more serious ones over the next couple of years and many small but equally scary ones in between).

What I want to share with others;

The emotional damage is often as great if not greater than the physical damage. As the bandages from physical wounds begin to come off; the scars covered by clothing; people start to look at the person like they are whom they were prior to their detour in life. These people begin to return back to their lives – the” novelty” of an injured friend or loved one wearing off (sounds cold – BUT it is true). And the person finds themselves alone, scared and unsure of what the future holds.

The words above belong to author William Styron, and they describe his first episode of major depression.

When your loved is going through a meltdown, their world is literally spinning out of control. For them it’s like they are seeing what is happening, are hearing what they are saying, BUT I stress this …they are unable to stop. Telling them to “stop”… or saying “enough” is not going to help at all, trust me if they could they would ~ they want more than you to have this stop.

My best suggestion (I’m not a professional )– when I have been the one going out of control – what we found would work at times was someone speaking softly to me .. this would often calm me enough to get me to go and lay down.
If you feel like you are going “crazy” … know you are not alone. Speak to someone and the sooner you are able to connect with the right Psychologist , you will be on your way to a much better place.

Who is the Person in the Mirror? - Part of Picking Up the Pieces Mondays

While in the hospital I had caught small glimpses of my reflection on glass windows; but had not registered the toll the injuries had taken on my body, once home access to full length mirrors began to show the reality. A once toned, fit, healthy body had been replaced by one with multiple limitations, a frail frame, T shaped train tracks to nowhere – now decorate my abdomen, while a single track ran down the inside my right arm. My long lush hair ,was now thin short straw like and much had fallen out on the back of my head partially by the time spent in the hospital laying on my back and from the trauma I had sustained to the back of my head. I would later discover that about a thumb length and two thumb widths area would never grow hair again, due to the soft tissue damage in that area.

Aside from the physical changes, the reflection that once showed a healthy glow, full of life person, with dimples that became prominent with every smile or smirk, even teeth, hazel eyes that sparkled and took on a green tone at excitement and extreme happiness was no longer present. In the place of the once ever present reflection was a reflection of sunken cheeks, sallow grayish skin tone, chipped teeth , and expressionless, hunched lifeless image. The tone in my speech had also been affected by the trac– the voice that was once so familiar was also now that of a stranger.

Having been a corporate career driven person, whose appearance had been as important as my abilities to conduct business. Now not only was my ability to process information, speak in a professional manner, tainted – I no longer recognized the reflection in the mirror staring back at me. The realization of the extreme changes in my appearance and ability to express myself sent me crying myself to sleep many nights thereafter.

What I want to share with others;

For those facing a change in their appearance regardless of the cause or degree of change, it can be extremely difficult and self destructing. Especially when their image is/has been so much a part of whom they were/are and how they are received and or viewed by others. Mentally and emotionally it can be as painful and debilitating as physical pain.

Telling someone “You are lucky to be alive, it doesn’t matter what you look like- your looks are only super-facial” or “Now you know how it feels to be out of shape like me” or “If I had the body you had before the accident I would be so happy and try to go out with that guy”– does not help. Trust, me the person knows and is grateful to be alive ~ though well meaning, these statements only reinforce that they are no longer whole. Yes, these were real statements said to me at various times, by different people.

For anyone reading this that is going through a self-image crisis regardless of the reason, if how you present yourself to the world is/has been part of who you were/are, KNOW that you are not being super-facial. The resolution is speaking to a professional(s) and or people who can help you adjust to who you are at the moment and help you build a plan to re-build your self-image – mentally, emotionally and physically.

Picking Up The Pieces

Remember: Just who you will be is up to you. These are the words that Maria Shriver leaves us with in her book Just Who Will You Be? It is a very powerful and scary statement.

I have received various emails over the past couple of months from persons who express a strong desire to move beyond the physical and/or emotional pain they are suffering. They want to know how I am able to wake each day; write so positive and keep moving forward, after everything that I have and continue to go through.

Well, let me tell you – I am no better, nor different from any of you and I have no magic wand. I still have days, where getting out of bed is a huge struggle be it due to lack of energy, pain, or just feeling at a loss. When I started blogging I made a pledge to myself to write less about these more challenging days, and more about the better days. To be honest there are some days that I still do not make it out of bed all day – thankfully these have become less frequent – and I also have days where I do not leave the house, pajamas are the day’s attire. Like you I search for the Holy Grail of Healing.

I have found in the struggle to keep moving forward the support, encouragement and help I receive from family, friends, care-team, pets, my new Blog friends and let’s not forget my pride and vanity; play a huge role in my day to day functionality.

It is important to surround yourself with POSITIVE people. This unfortunately, may require you to distance yourself from love-ones, who are always focusing on the negative effects of this detour in your life - or who always talk about how your situation affects them - instead of trying to encourage you to move forward. This distance may be temporary or permanent, that is up to you.

To further expand on the above points and to share tools that have been instrumental in getting me this far and others that keep me going; my Monday posts will be dedicated to “Picking up the Pieces”.

I look forward to your continued emails and post comments. Know that the comments you leave encourage not just me, but also others who stop by for a visit and read.

Stop The World! I Want To Get On

Some days when things just seem to be spinning out of control [which lately seems like more often] it appears that I’m looking in from somewhere out in the universe. I see the life I had, I can feel it, smell it and taste it; then it’s gone and I’m left floating in the Milky Way wondering what black hole holds the mystery door to a new life.

Will this new life be better? Will it be less than what I had? Will my circle of friends and family be there? How will people see me in this new life? What will drive me, be my passion? Will people always see me as the girl who once was and now the girl that was struck by a car? The variables to these questions play in my head like chess pieces. The right move - success; the wrong move and well you know. I wish the world would just stop long enough for me to get on, at that exact moment that everything changed.

Have you gotten back on the world? If so, how did you do it? If not, what strategies do you find have kept you moving forward?

Invisible Disabilities

Leaving the airport on our recent Paris trip, brought to light just how uneducated Customer Service People can be. As the announcement went over the speakers for persons with small children or needing assistance to please start boarding – Mr. G. and I made our way to the gate. As I approached – the woman at the gate looked me up and down before saying “small children and those needing assistance ONLY” – what made her think that I didn’t need assistance? Had she just taken my boarding pass and punched in my name – she would have discovered that I should be sitting in a wheelchair (however, I always check the distance from check in to gate prior to flying – and if its short or I know it has the people movers, I usually opt to give it a try – I don’t like the looks one gets when being wheeled about or if the airport golf-cart is transporting you around). So, after I pointed out that perhaps she should look at my boarding pass – she looked up- humbly – as I said “yes, I’m suppose to use a wheelchair – and need extra time to get seated”.


After speaking with one of my care team members about this and being informed that many people even with slight visible disabilities encounter these challenges, I decided to look into it a little more. My findings and personal encounters have resulted in this post - for two reasons:

1) let others that may be in a similar situation – know they are not alone!

2) educate people that invisible disabilities exist

People with invisible disabilities look like everyone else, only we struggle to manage everyday life. When it comes to ABI and physical impairments, even when the condition is truly disabling, the average person would not be able to recognize this. Contrary to myth, most disabilities are not apparent to the untrained eye – making the disability effectively known as an “invisible disability”.

For anyone who has an invisible disability life becomes even more challenging, as people often do not give you the help you need. Like the seat on crowed public transit; the help you need in a fitting room; making sure you remember to eat or feed the family pet; make sure you don’t over exert yourself; offer to accompany you shopping; or just offer to come over to sit and keep you company.

Then there is the added anxiety: the seats on public transit that are for disabled or elderly are a wonderful idea, but if someone who looks ‘normal’ sits in them they worry in case an obviously disabled person gets on the bus/subway. Even though they have a Legal Accessible parking permit – parking in an Accessible parking spot and the reaction some people give them can be just as painful as the reason why use of such a spot is required. Asking for help to carry groceries to the car – this one always baffles me – I had one cashier ask me “why do you need help, didn’t you put the groceries in the cart?” –hmm “yes! But they all went in one by one – not altogether in that heavy bag you have now created!” I responded. I really wanted to ask if she had an ABI.

Just because you see someone at the grocery store pushing a cart, don't assume that they're not being truthful about being disabled. For all you really know, after making a short trip to the store, they may be flat on their back when they get home, and in a considerable amount of discomfort. Or just because someone is having a “good day” and has managed to dress themselves stylishly – don’t assume they’re really not injured – Fashionistas are not exempt from ABIs or physical and emotional injuries. You can’t “see” the disability of a person who has depression, anxiety, fibromyalgia or migraines - an invisible disability cannot be seen, but it does exist!

In this day and age, it still really baffles me that a person with a physical disability should have to possess a limp, or a person with an ABI disability should have to carry on a conversation with themselves in public before a non-disabled person can accept that a disability, in fact, exists.

Lack of Energy - source of frustration

More often than not, I find myself extremely frustrated with my lack of energy, mainly because it is unpredictable. The day starts out fine and I feel like, “ok, today I will get A, B , C and D accomplished “– only to find that after A – I’m ready to head back under the covers. Then I become angry with myself for not being able to accomplish a list of To Dos, like I use to.


There are days – that I find that I am able to get through C and D and push myself to get through E, F, G etc. – at the time I don’t think about the consequences – I just want to feel like the old me – if even for a little while. The reality sets in over the next day or so, I find myself unable to move or motivated to do things – I have exhausted my energy tokens both physically and emotionally.

Yesterday, I attended a wedding of a dear friend’s son. I took all the necessary preventive energy precautions: I had my hair washed the day before; my outfit had been selected with the help of a friend a few days earlier, so that I would not being stressing about what to wear; I went to bed early the night before; yesterday I went home between the church and reception to take a nap. All should have been well and I should have lasted beyond 11 p.m. But instead of staying put at my table – I couldn’t resist the music and watching friends on the dance floor – I so wanted to be part of the fun. I thought if I just stand beside them on the dance floor and move my arms to the music, what can it hurt? Well, it didn’t take more than a couple of songs before – I found myself needing to sit down. And so after, the frustration of not being able to be part of the group enjoying the music, was so much that Mr. G and I agreed it was best to get me home.

This morning I woke up, feeling better. [ Last night Mr. G. did not have much convincing to do for me to take a stronger pain med (before my detour in life … Advil was something I took as a last result)– than the Tylenol 3 I take regularly, to take the edge off. He is such a dear - he even made sure the heating pad was on and got me a hot water bottle. ] So, I decided I was Ok to do a couple of things in town. When I got home – I was in need of a nap.

Feeling a bit refreshed after the nap, I took our little Dolce for a walk around our gardens. As I walked past the Butterfly garden, I noticed a weed or two that I couldn’t resist , well before I knew it Dolce was tied to the post by the garden and I was on hands and knees waging war on the weeds, that like a grey hair seemed to multiply for each one I pulled.

As, I sit here and write this post – I am laying on a lounger, with pillow propping me up, a heat pad against my back (upper and lower) and an ice pack on my right ankle – willing the swelling to go down. Perhaps I should have stopped when Mr. G suggested I call it a day – and not over do it – I was out there perhaps an hour.

I know that my RT and Behaviorial Therapist - would say its about pacing, and they would probably be right. But, at the time I just think about what I am missing out on, and don't think before its too late  or someone tells me. I wish my body could keep up with my desire to do the simplest things like dancing at a wedding or pulling some weeds in the garden.

So, for everyone out there, you are not alone when the world just seems to be too much; and our bodies are not able to function like we expect them to! But, it's important that we never give up our fight to keep moving forward to discover the new person we are going to be. And remember its ok to bring the memories of who you were (if you want to) ... it is however not good to live in the memories (as I say this, I say it to myself as much as I say it for you.).
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