Country Living ~ The Healing Begins…

When everywhere, everything and everyone that was familiar and provided you with comfort and safety ~ overnight becomes a stranger, including yourself - you feel like your life has reached a dead end. What you are not aware of [at least not yet] is that no door of happiness closes without a window of possibilities opening.

Continued from: Life at a Dead End ~

It was becoming clear that life as we had once known it; loved it; lived it in our respective lives was gone. Even our respective homes, which should have provided a safe haven for healing, were constant reminders of what we no longer had or could do. People we thought would be there through good and bad had retreated from our lives. For the Man ~ it was his family- who sat in judgment of him; for me it was friends who had always been there – who could not accept I was no longer the active person they knew. Somehow despite all that was painful in our respective lives ~ not wanting the other to give up also kept each of us from focusing on the pain that was crippling our desire to live.

We had managed to find refuge at the Man’s vacation home in the country, surrounded by the healing of nature, solitude and quietness. But as his family became more vocal about their feelings of him and how he was conducting his life (being friends with a woman and trying to help her heal from a tragic accident and in turn healing himself – before a year had passed since his deceased wife’s journey “Home” was a mortal sin in their eyes). Even this place that had become a refuge of healing was turning into an enemy [the vacation home was also owned by other members of his family].

Ok.. maybe it wasn't as bad as this, but going
through the renos, it feels like it! :)

So, on a whim we decided to become real estate partners and search for a retreat we could both live in as we healed. During this time, we looked at many beautiful estate homes ~ but as we know, HE does not give us what we want but what we need. It would be the house in need of repair that would capture our hearts and we would choose to call ours. This idea having been carry out on a whim posed some challenges that started to surface ~ I was still in much need of 24-hour care and trying to find someone who would travel to the country would prove to be next to impossible. Again … it’s not the want but the need that is fulfilled ~ since the Man would be around the house anyways, he figured along with the role of friend he would also provide the role of care-giver. And this is how our journey to Healing Began!

What I Want To Share With Others…

Sometimes it is difficult for those who have known us; loved us, supported us to accept/deal with what we are now going through. I think sometimes family and friends have a harder time accepting our changes then we realize. It is however; extremely important to remember this is their issue … you have enough to deal with without taking on their emotional baggage. When [and if] they come around to realizing it’s not about them ~ but you and your healing ~ do give them the opportunity to make things right. Sometimes these situations resolve themselves with little drama; other times it’s a full Horror Picture Show and yet other times damage to relationships is caused beyond repair.

For those who have loved ones going through healing of any sort ~ never forget they are the “victim” of circumstance not you. You continue on each day with your life, your, husband, your wife, your children etc. and though you may feel pain and hurt – this is not about you. Your role is to be supportive, encouraging. Unless the person is about to harm themselves or someone else – if you feel they are making mistakes – let them, it’s their mistakes to make. Your role is to be there to help pick up the pieces and again be supportive and encouraging.

Victim to Survivor - Picking Up the Pieces Mondays

The one thing that I have learned by watching people in waiting rooms at medical appointments (trust me I’ve seen plenty, more than I ever imagined existed or that I would be in), speaking with people who have gone through various detours in their lives (be it accident, abuse, job loss, etc.) and my own personal detour, is that we all go through a grieving process. Most professionals have told me there are 5 stages; Denial and Isolation, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. Factors that may affect these stages are physical injuries, head injuries and the person’s outlook on life prior to the detour in life.

For me I seem to bounce back and forth through this maze of stages. When I have really bad days, as I sit on the floor, back against the wall – I wish that I could be given a set of gifts to open, and that opened in the right order I would end up at “acceptance” and know who "ME" is now.

Prior to my detour, I had a great and almost perfect life (if it was completely perfect it would have been boring); my career was going amazing – I worked for a fantastic company with an amazing team- was well respected in the industry by both co-workers and competitors; socially my life was very active – lots of friends, lots of functions and dinners to attend; loved entertaining friends at my home (I loved cooking and baking); I was Chair of Fundraising for a homeless youth shelter; I was very fit and loved travelling, shopping – shoes, clothes, handbags; had recently meant someone who I felt would challenge me to be the best I could be; most important to me I was INDEPENDENT. Then in a blink of an eye it was all gone!

Aside from the scars; lack of energy; out bursts (ok - perhaps some would call it tantrums); and when I’m really tired, stressed or anxious - my child like voice and mannerisms that appear – If you saw me you would think - I was OK. What you wouldn’t see is the amount of energy it takes for me to stay focused in a conversation, the preparation that goes into making it possible for me to go out on my own, the results of having attempted to do things – usually a few days in the house/bed and the extra pain that results -, the emotional disappointment/frustration/depression at not being able to do the things I use to do independently, without much thought.

I am still here and breathing, despite the doctors, for 6 weeks, telling my family the outcome did not look good, as I lay in a coma. So I guess I am a survivor – but will I ever be the me I adored, the me that felt so comfortable in her own skin, the me that was never afraid to speak up for herself or anyone that needed someone to stand by them, the me that was so independent, the me that could see anything through to the end - be it work project, social function - without tiring out?
 
Now that you know a little more about how I got here, I hope you visit each Monday for "Picking up the pieces" posts. I will do my best to share the past 3 ½ years and what has helped to keep me alive and moving forward. I hope to inspire you to stay positive and together we will get there. I encourage you to share your thoughts and what has worked for you - your comments may also help to inspire others.

images: google search - Jupiterimages and Shutterstock - wording added to gift boxes me.