The Healing Begins ~ Mondays...Part Two

As the physical healing continued on my body the emotional damage was yet to rear its ugly head. Things were progressing both with the renovations we had started on what would be our home and our relationship transitioning from friends to a couple. There was no doubting that Mr. G was a most caring and loving man. But could I possibly be falling in love with someone who represented on many levels a person I would not have considered as a life partner, pre-accident? This question haunted my thoughts. Were my feels genuine or were they gratitude for all he was doing in caring for me.
The next few months would answer my questions and indeed my feelings if they had started as gratitude had now evolved to genuine love, caring and seeing a future with this man. But how could this be? I had always seen myself with a career driven corporate type, who wore suits and worked just as hard as he played; someone who appreciated the arts, culture, fine wine, travel etc. Then a friend of many years reminded me God gives us what we need and not want.

Though some pieces of "Me" pre-accident would emerge from time to time, the reality was I was no longer that person. The memories of my dreams and hopes for my life remained intact, but that life no longer existed. The challenge was that I had no clue who I was and desperately missed “Me”.

My support system had dwindled down to ½ dozen people from 20+, partially due to friends who also missed pre-accident “me” and weren’t sure how to be around this “new person” and partially to having moved out to the country (almost 2 hours outside the city). Friends who remained by my side would often comment that I certainly would not have tolerated Mr. G’s family’s, judgmental behavior of either myself, Mr. G or our ability to together manage to stay alive and move forward ~ pre-accident self.

Mr. G’s family served as a constant reminder that I was no longer “Me”. This became extremely evident during August of 2008 while spending a week-end at Mr. G’s farm. {Farm is owned by Mr. G, one of his cousin’s and 3 uncles} During this week-end the uncles’daughters’ and each of their respective husband and children, along with 2 of Mr.G’s sisters and respective family also came up to the farm to enjoy some summer country air.

This would be the first time the cousins would be meeting me and one of the very few Mr. G’s sisters would be in the same space as me. With all these people in one house, and having had so much to say about me without knowing me ~ one would think they would have taken the opportunity to get to know who I was. Well … lets just say it was a very quiet for me as only 2 of the 12 something women actually tried to include me in conversation or spoke to me.

This was  so clear that even one of their husband’s apologized to me for his wife’s behavior ~ when I said what for his response was “ I am not blind, I see what is going on – I’m embarrassed” Mr. G and I were surprised that among these “animals” there appeared to be someone who was human. We informed him we had decided it would be best that we left. His remark to us telling him we were leaving was “no we should leave Mr.G is an owner, we are guests!” That’s right these people were and until their parents pass their respective share of ownership will remain guests at the farm ~ Mr. G is one of 5 owners, yet we left, so as to not cause any problems.

I can assure you had it been pre-accident we would not have been the ones leaving. This event brought to light just how much of me I had lost in the accident … I hated this spineless person I had become, this door mat I was allowing people to use me as.

The next few months of settling into our new lives would test our belief in family, faith and relationship.

What I want to share with others:

It has taken many months and sessions with various Shrekos (psychologists) to understand that it was not my limited ability to speak and stand up for myself, that enable these animals people to act as they did. Though I do need to build my confidence and learn how to express myself in this “new” person.

If you find yourself on the receiving end of someone’s venomous tongue without cause, PAUSE take a moment, and feel sorry for them. Imagine how awful life must be for them, how unhappy they must be that they waste their energy on spreading gossip, lies, and negative thoughts.

Now, if you find that you are in therole of Creative Director spreading gossip about someone based on “what and how you would do things” without even knowing them or the facts or are on the Subscriber end and taking in every word as Gospel truth; look deep in your own life and spend that energy on discovering what is missing within you and find the peace you obviously are missing in your life.

If you find you are judging someone ~ is it really them or are you reflecting what motives you would have in a given situation.

Remember “If you don’t have something good to say,

 say nothing”.

If you are repeating something that is not about you,

BUTcauses pain to someone else

YOU ARE GOSSIPING!!!!

Have you been in a situation when someone was verbally or

emotionally attacking you for no reason? How did you deal with?