In recent months two long time friends who are fabulous mothers, well educated and successful business women, both announced that they were ending their marriage (one of 8 years the other almost 15 years). What was interesting is that these women were ending their respective marriage for the same reason. No, it was not cheating or abuse - the husbands had decided working and contributing to the household expenses (and their own personal expenses) was optional.
Since hearing about their stories, I have heard more and more women speaking out about husbands who worked (some at really successful careers) when they were first married, but now do no more than take up space on the sofa with no real intention of getting back in the work force.
Some of these men were casualties of the economic downward swirl, others decided to become stay-at-home dads (because the wife made more money - it made sense rather than pay day care, cleaning lady etc.), others just decided they "needed a break from the working world". What was interesting was that these men were not prepared to cut-back or give up expensive hobbies like golf, flying, sailing, traveling, designer clothes, which had once been affordable with TWO INCOMES. And for those who decided to be stay-at-home dads - other than
dropping the children off at play group or school and picking them up (if they were able to find time in their - no job day); over time - cleaning the house, cooking, laundry, bathing the children, making sure children complete their homework, was left for the working mother to do when she got home from a long day of working.
It's one thing to be supportive of a husband who is ill or has not by choice found himself unemployed. In the case of the healthy husband ~ if he is trying (and by trying I mean actually going out and making himself available for potential work) or is taking care of the children and home, so the wife can focus on work and be able to spend her time with the family on week-ends and evenings ... then I get it. Otherwise, Seriously, where has the Hunter and Provider instinct gone in these men?
In most situations that I've heard about children involved but during my research on this topic I came across this article Stay at Home Man - no Kids . This was also an interesting article Alpha Women, Beta Men on how the stay-at-home dad is affecting women.
Would love to hear your thoughts on this seemingly epidemic of men feeling comfortable not contributing to household expenses, and in some cases their own personal expenses.
Do you know someone who is facing this situation? What advise would you give them?
What would you do if your spouse became a Man Who Lounges?
Stay in Step with High Heeled Life ...